Darkness is your weapon, Guns are mine (The Dark Tower 2017)

 

135.

The Dark Tower

 

 

 

6.5/10

 

 

Stephen King books are doing the rounds again and being made into movies. This one is based on a series of 8 books, so I'm unsure whether this will be made into a series of movies, or crammed into one. I haven't read the books so won't be able to tell first hand whether this is the whole story or not. Idris Elba is a brilliant actor in my opinion and which the interest, dark look to the movie, I'm very interested on whether this is right up my street or now. The trailer didn't show me too much thankfully, so I let's take a shot at this gunslinger.

This story is going to revolve around a young boy and his visions meaning something. We open with his dreams about Roland Deschain. He's on a field surrounded by dead bodies and later, has escaped to a side road with his father in the country. They both look as if they are worn out from fighting. In the distance, Roland, played by Idris Elba, hears the voice of a man. Out of the mist walks the Man in Black, played by Matthew McConaughey. He strikes a villain straight away, between is dark clothes, mannerisms and the fact that he is has just controlled the mind of the older man and told him to stop breathing. Instantly, we know that Roland and this guy will have a massive coming together at one point. Jake wakes up, just as his mother enters the room. At the end of his vision, there was a loud noise and this crossed over to his world. An earthquake shakes his house for a few seconds. She knows about the dreams his dreams and has looked for help for her son. Shrinks put the dreams, rather than visions, down to trauma caused by the death of Jake's father a year before. The step-father is a little less sympathetic and has found a facility that the boy can go to. When these people arrive, Jake realises that they have stitches at the back of their ears and he recognises them from his visions. They aren't human at all. Making a break from them through the toilet window, he's chased roof top in order escape. His mother know that this is a little unorthodox from the carers. Each one of his visions, has been drawn down by Jake himself, in order to resort back to them in time to try and piece them together. One of them is an abandoned house, which he tracks down to find more answers. So far, the action and story have been fast paced and flowing. Back in the other world and the man in black has some sort of colony of children. He sets off an alarm to draw some into his own pyramid style building. There, they are strapped to a machine and drained of power to shoot a laser at the dark tower, hoping to destroy it. Jake is about to pass over into this word after remembering the code to travel was in one of his visions.
Once there, in the whole of the world, he's sees smoke in the distance and finds the last gun slinger. That's lucky. He explains to the kids that he is pursuing the man in black, Walter, in a case of revenge against the killing of his father. He goes on to explain that Walter is stealing children with psychic abilities to destroy the tower. With Jake's vision of other worlds, Walter may come after him too. The dark tower is in place to stop evil from outside the realm, coming in and destroying reality. That's a biggie! A short scene proves how terrifying it is as one demon disguises itself as Jake's dad until he can escape and try to kill the two. After a fight, Roland has been wounded by its sharp tail, but can carry on for now. Roland decides to take Jake to a village to have his vision read by a seer. On the other side of Mid-World, Walter finally learns of Jake and heads to Earth to find his home. He kills his step-dad and leads his mother to Jake's room to read her memories of all of the drawings she has seen her son create. Once he has all of the information he needs, he heads to a base in New York. The seer tells Roland that he can find his base there and track down Walter for a final kill. In the meantime, as the village tries to set up their portal for travel and are detected by Walter's minions. They attack the village and try to kidnap Jake. We finally see Roland shooting skills as he aims into the distance, killing the one minion who take Jake. The tail wound from earlier has now turned poisonous. He's starting to stumble about but their main objective is to get to New York for now, then they can visit the hospital and sort out the wound. The travel to Earth means humour. Roland finds it hard to adjust to this world, thinking that hot dogs are really dogs and tipping a nurse after she tells him he is literally riddled with illness.
They make it to Jake's home to the realisation that his family is now dead. The only way to end this is to fight their way through the New York hideout and finally kill the Man in Black. Heading to a gun store, Walter uses his psychic ability to take over the owner and try to kill the pair. In the end, Walter takes Jake as the fighting commences but Jake finally understands his own power and uses his ability to alert Roland of his location. Plenty of gun shots, plenty of explosion but strapped to the machine to tear down the tower. Jake watches, as Walter gets the best of Roland once again, bringing down a wall on top of his but the rest of the fight was pretty impressive. Using telekinesis, he sends glass shards Roland's way but Jake starts to recite the gunslinger's code. Roland can hear it and gins extra incentive to end Walter. He fires two bullets, ones that Walter will find hard to control. One bounces unexpectedly off the other and lands in Walter, killing him and bringing an end to his reign. Drawing the film to a close, the machine is destroyed and Jake, along with the other children, are saved from the dark magic. Standing on the streets of New York, preparing for goodbyes, Roland has been impressed with Jake and his bravery and asks him to come to Mid-World with him. Obviously, the answer is yet and we finally end watching as the two depart. There is a sneaky little extra at the end of the credits, as we hear the Man in Black's iconic whistling, maybe signalling that he is still alive.
I can't compare this to the books but unfortunately, it seems to be a victim of someone trying to cram as much information, action and storyline into a short movie. This could be to get the attention of everyone and hope that people would call for more in the series but in my opinion, it failed. The casting of Walter and Roland were well done. Walter was portrayed as a constants band guy, bringing havoc on any world, with little guilt. Roland seemed a broken man at first and was brought back with meaning as he met this young man who he knew would help in his fight. Apparently, the film took many aspects from across the book series rather than the first book, so on that fact, maybe it should be described as 'inspired by', rather than, 'based on'. It had some fun action and is needed to be watched with an open mind, instead of thinking you need to know the books.



This guy single-handedly ruined the word motherfucker (The Hitman's Bodyguard 2017)

 

 

 

134.

The Hitman's Bodyguard

 

 

 

 

8.5/10

 

 

 

 

I'm not one to shy away from the fact that I think Samuel L. Jackson is purely overrated. The guy can't help but shout for no apparent reason in every movie that he is in. At the other end of the spectrum, there aren't many movies that I dislike Ryan Reynolds in, so the both of them coming together for this action is going to be interesting. Gary Oldman also stars and this guy can play villain or hero and win plaudits. Reynolds plays a bodyguard who is needed to transport and protect Jackson, the hitman, to court. Is this going to be a hit, or one that should have taken a bullet?

Michael Bryce, Reynolds' character, lives in a swanky, modern house in the woods somewhere, puts on his suit, loads his guns and kisses his girl one the forehead before he leaves for work. The beginning its meticulous, possibly showing how serious and effective this guy is at his job. He's been hired to protect Japanese man, whether a good guy or not, we don't know. As for Reynolds, it is hard to see past his comedy for this serious character, the guy is just born for laughter. It goes well, up until a bullet flies through the plane window and takes the guy out. Two years later and Bryce is a broken man. Protecting drug taking executives in a family car. Getting the job done, with bodies in his wake, the scene flips to Duhkovich, a ruthless dictator of Belarus, played by Oldman. He's being put on trial for his crimes against humanity, but with no real evidence, it looks like he is going to get away with it. The prosecution's last hope is in the shape of a famous hitman, Darius Kincaid. He agrees to give evidence but only if his wife will be released from prison and exonerated. She is in a cell and on a phone call from Kincaid, he recites lyrics to her from 'Hello' by Lionel Richie. She lets him know what kind of view she has and then the line goes dead after the singing.

   Next, we are taken to an underground parking lot in London, probably underneath a jail. An Interpol assistant director, Jean Foucher is setting up Amelia Roussel with the job of transporting the hitman. Isn't she the girl sleeping at Bryce's pace in the beginning? She pretty much a rookie to this. If films tell me anything, it's that something is clearly going to go wrong, there will be an inside person in this and I think it's going to be the Frenchie. Just as we thought, they get ambushed on the streets of London and after plenty of gun fighting and deaths, Kincaid and Roussel make it to a safe house. She realises that they need someone who isn't attached to this case and the obvious guy would be Bryce. He answers the phone to her like a true ex would and after putting all of that aside, he agrees to help, not knowing who he will be protecting. Once he gets to the flat, he meets Kincaid but this isn't the first time. Kincaid has tried to kill him plenty of times in the past. Bryce and Roussel have a falling out and it is shown that Bryce ended the relationship because he feels that she gave up the information on the Japanese guy at the start in order to get a promotion herself. The Interpol have become aware of the safe house being used and figure it must be the couple how have survived. Foucher is in the meeting about this and my fears are made clear when he calls some of the Dictator's men to take out the hitman. They head over, but so do the police in order to apprehend Kincaid. Bryce knows the signs and they must make a quiet yet quick escape. Kincaid does no such thing and his first gunshot alerts everyone, causing them to rush in faster. The two make it to the top of the building and jump onto scaffolding, finally getting to Bryce's car and driving off calmly. In the meantime, Roussel has made it back to her boss and filled her in on the plan.

Bryce and Kincaid shall be traveling by car and ferry but obviously it won't be as easy as that. The driver is pretty strict again, forcing Kincaid to wear his seat belt and behave. They have some great back and fore between us other about plenty of personal things before Kincaid finally delves into his past about what he took up killing. When he was younger he witnessed his priest being killed by a racist man for no reason and left hanging for his congregation to witness. He found the man and killed him without hesitation. The gun shot cause crows to take flight from a nearby tree and this is actually the tattoo that is across the back of his head and neck. He then moves onto the story of how he met his wife in a bar. She was working there and ended up beating around 5 men to death. This scene is shown all to the music of Lionel Richie and the song 'Hello'. With lyrics like, 'Is it me your looking for?' and later, 'I love you,' is mimed by Kincaid to his future wife. The hitman needs the toilet and takes his whiskey flask with him, leaves it pouring off the roof that sounds like he is going to the toilet and makes a break for it. He hits a road bump as they have been followed by men from Belarus, who blow up their car but are eventually killed on the road. They have to hitchhike with a bus of nuns, all the way to the ferry and get on without trouble. Once in Amsterdam, Bryce has a place where he stays, keeps his guns and has pictures of his and Roussel. Kincaid takes a shower but instead climbs out of the window and they head to a clock tower where Kincaid leaves a bunch of flowers and a hat for his wife to see from her cell. They don't go together though. Kincaid actually sneaks off to go and Bryce is in the background, making sure he stays safe. We constantly see people getting pulled out of shot by an arm, every time they get too close.

Foucher, finally meets up with the dictator, demanding his payment for an involvement in this ambush but it doesn't go down well because Kincaid is still alive and the Frenchman has a pen driven through his hand for his troubles. Back to the pair in Amsterdam, Kincaid is giving relationship advice We have a flashback again of him meeting his wife, Salma Hayek. Obviously, she is the actress playing her, not actually Salma herself. The nickname he calls him, 'Cucaracha', is actually the name of the bar that they first met in. It's now time for Bryce to tell Kincaid where he met Roussel. He was on a job and bumped into her at a funeral whilst she was there to kill the person that he was protecting. Some more love music sets the scene for his flashback before there is an abrupt stop. Kincaid is laughing about Bryce blaming his girlfriend for the Japanese hit. Kincaid reveals that he was the one who shot the Japanese arms dealer at the beginning, the one who ultimately ruined Bryce's life. He abandons Kincaid and heads to an outside bar to talk to a barman whilst drowning his sorrows. As he's talking, we can see Kincaid leave the clock tower behind him. He gets ambushed again and cars are flying through the beer garden behind Bryce, who is totally calm and ignoring it all. Bullets are flying and a chase starts as Kincaid makes it to a speed boat in the canals as the Dictator's men follow him on land in their jeeps. Bryce decides to take action and chase him down on his motorbike. Finally, getting to the scene, he's hit of his bike and is captured, before being tortured about Kincaid. Only one person is going to save him and low and behold, here comes Kincaid. He jumps in the car with him and both make their way to The Hague for the court case. Bryce is on the phone to Roussel, giving her the update but also revealing his feelings to her. Yet again though, they are being chased and Kincaid slams into a concrete block, causing Bryce to fly out of the front window and onto the road. They have a dry, funny argument about the seat belt rule again. They are split up as Bryce makes a run for it and Kincaid continues to drive, making it to a dried-up river and exploding a car for his troubles. The flames from the car cuts the scene to flames on a grill in a kitchen where Bryce has fought his way into. With some melee combat, he fights his way back to Kincaid who is parked outside and both make their way to the court case, just in time.

Evidence is given and Kincaid gives his real name and his story. The priest that he once spoke about was actually his father. He reveals pictures of the massacre and all seems to plan but I know otherwise. The trailer has given too much away for me and I know that there is an explosion to come inside the courtroom. The French snake gets a nod and heads outside and Roussel notices him acting shady. She follows him into the hallway as a bomb goes off in the court, Dukhovich steals a gun and shoots at Kincaid. Bryce jumps in the way and takes his first bullet for someone, order Kincaid to follow the leader and not let him escape. They get to the roof top as a helicopter is planned to pick up Dukhovich. Downstairs, Roussel is being choked out by Foucher until Bryce makes it outside to save her. Kincaid shoots down the helicopter with it exploding behind him as he's cracking down onto the Belarusian leader. He claims that he should never have shot his bodyguard before kicking him off the roof. The film draws to a close with Bryce being wheeled off on a stretcher, Kincaid giving himself up and Sonia being released from prison. The scene is outside the pub that the hitman and his wife met, as the camera goes inside to catch them both dancing. He has escaped in order to spend their anniversary together.

Ryan Reynolds has actually given me a reason to enjoy a film with Samuel L. Jackson in. Their chemistry on screen was great at times and dry humour is, without doubt, the biggest factor for me within comedy films. The action scenes were great, whether it was gun slinging, car chasing or pure hand to hand combat. It could be described at repetitive at times because you always knew that they were going to be chased down time after time, but each one was different. By land, sea and building to building, it was kept relatively fresh. The plot is never meant to truly spectacular because this is an action comedy and because of that, the film doesn't take itself too seriously. It was a lot of fun and Reynolds adds to this genre with ease. Even the fight scenes had laughter when Bryce was chucking any kitchen utensil at his attackers. I didn't expect too much but was left with a couple of hours well spent.

That's some white boy shit right there (Girls Trip 2017)

133.

Girls Trip

  

 

 

4/10

 

 

One that I wasn't really looking forward to. This chick flick looked like a kind of take on the hangover movies, focused on the female persuasion. Four friends are going to travel to New Orleans for the Essence Festival and the friends are a cast of mixed, well-known and not so well-known, black women. This could end up being an absolute cringe fest on the level of The Hangover 3 or a good amount of fun like the first in the Hangover series.

The film begins with a narrative by one of the characters Ryan, played by Regina Hall. She's telling us about her three best friends and their group called the 'Flossy Posse'. Slowly, their school photos show each member disappearing because time is moving on and finding time for each other has become that bit harder. As they are shown, our narrative explains which each person does. Sasha, played by Queen Latifah, is a gossip writer, Lisa, played by Jada Pinkett-Smith, is a divorced mother of two and finally Dina, played by Tiffany Haddish is still as wild as her younger days. Ryan herself is a self-help book author with the help of her athlete husband, Stewart. One by one we now see how they live their lives. Ryan has an agent, who tells her that a major company wants to make a deal with her and her husband. The meeting will be in New Orleans, around the same time as the festival and Ryan decides she needs to let her hair down a bit so wants to get the band back together. Sasha is seen on the phone to her editor. This guy needs some more gossip in order to fill up her failing site. She seems to have letters for overdue payments, and soon comes off the phone as she sees her car being towed. This is after she has told her editor that she is going away with Ryan and other celebs in the hope to get some dirt on them. Dina is the live wire, who is in trouble at work for hitting an employee. Her boss fires her but she doesn't take the hint and think that she is having time off instead. Lisa is the final girl, who is at home getting ready for her trip and to leave her kids with her mother. She is clearly the worrier and Dina shows up, instantly making the household uncomfortable with her swearing and choice of topics to speak about. These two are the first at the airport and wait for the other half of the group, who they know have had a bit of tension in the past few years. On the plane Dina takes over first glass and starts the party with shots.
They get to New Orleans and instantly are greeted on the street by some of Ryan's fans, who give them all free drinks. whilst Ryan is doing her thing, Sasha, photographer send her over some pictures of Stewart kissing girl in some nightclub. The agree to not ruin the day but will tell her when they are back at the room. Dina is fuming and can't hold it back and literally tells her within a couple of minutes. Ryan reacts differently though and tells the girls that she knows and they are working through it together. When they arrive at the hotel, Stewart is there with and older woman and Dina takes it upon herself to confront him behind Ryan's back, slow motion, anger running, smashing a bottle to use as a weapon, she finally gets to him only for the girls to pull her away and the older woman is his Aunt. They are asked to leave the hotel but not before Ryan has a stern word with her husband to keep it in his pants, simply for this deal to go through. With no other decent hotel's free, thy have a settle for a crap, dirty motel. A knock on the door reveals a hobo looking for sexual favours and after her is thrown out, he exposes himself through the window and Dina seems to be repulsed by it. In the end, they can all laugh at the situation, and they get dressed for the first show of the trip. Lisa's outfit it typical mother style and the girls decide to sort her out before leaving. Already, they have made fun of her sex life, or lack of it and how quite she has become regarding men in general. At the show, Sasha is confronted by someone that she has spread gossip about and we can now see the ugly side of her job and the reason why Ryan no longer respect her. Even though it's happening, Sasha tries to record the confrontation, just for another story. Dina is star struck and pesters Estelle, the singer, before the gang meet and old friend, Julian, who players bass for singers and takes them into the VIP. We can see a chemistry between him and Ryan. P Diddy is playing and Dina is in love. She flashes him and is brought on stage, in the back ground, Lisa has attracted a younger guy. After the show, Julian invites them all to the zip-lining across one of the popular streets and obviously something embarrassing is going to come from it. Lisa gets stuck and ends up pissing herself and onto the people below, but not to be out done, Dina takes a swing and does the same. That night Julian lets them all stay at his hotel, where Lisa tries to get down with her guy but is scared from the size of his manhood and rejects the offer.
The next day and the 'happy' couple are making an appearance on a stage for a cookery segment with a well-known chef. When the presenter asks for a participant from the help from a member of the audience, up steps the girl that Stewart had be with in the club. The other girls run onto the stage before anything kicks off but Ryan is already treating a sausage like an innuendo as she chops it up with a knife and batters it with a tenderiser. Dina shoves some uncooked sausage into this girl's mouth and leaves the stage. Later, Dina is walking by herself, looking to get messed up and a guy offers her absinthe. She takes it back and makes drinks for the girls, just as Ryan's agent meets them for a drink too. She is always trying to act black with her mannerisms and sayings. They are about to go out and meet the person making a deal with Ryan. Once they hit the club, the drink starts to kick in with some funny effects. Each one starts hallucinations. Ryan, Stewart, the agent Liz and the deal maker Bethany are all sitting down to start the talks. The girls are dancing and realise the side effects so need to save Ryan from her meeting. Ryan think a waitress is Simone, Stewart's new girl, so verbally insults her. Sasha is hooking up with a lamp and finally, they are all pulled away to safety. They get coloured wigs outside, make it to a new club and start to finally enjoy that bit more. Not for long though, as Simone and her gang are there and we witness a dance off, which the 'Flossy Posse' were always going to win. At the bar, the girls come over to antagonise the posse but Lisa lands the first blow as the fight continues until the police arrive. Ryan has unknowingly text Julian to come and pick them up. Yet again, there is more chemistry when it comes to the goodbyes. Lisa has invited her man over to finally do the deed but ends up burning him with fruit juice from technique that Dina has shown her.
Julian has invited them all to watch him play a gig and afterwards, they all hangout and we can see him and Ryan getting that bit closer. Suddenly, Simone walks in and want to confront Ryan over the fact that she is pregnant. Sasha stops her and tells Ryan herself, thinking it's best that way, before the girl goes public with the news. Ryan confides in the girls and tells them that they have been having problems conceiving. She is still devastated with the news. Stewart shows up to talk to her and says that he still loves her despite the mistakes he's made. He wants to keep working at it and making sure that the deal goes through for them. The go to complete the deal later on, with a massive money offer. When she heads back to tell the group the news, they react badly and tell her that she is an idiot. Whilst arguing, Ryan gets alerted that the picture of Simone and Stewart has now gone viral and she blames it on Sasha. She has offered to release it before anyone else, to help Ryan get ahead of the story. Sasha insists that it wasn't her and soon they are all arguing with each other, pointing out each other's flaws. The truth comes out about why Sasha and Ryan haven't spoken in a while and it's because they were going to start a site together, so Sasha quit her job. Instead, Ryan focused on her own success and left Sasha in the cold. Once it dies down a little, the four go their separate ways.
Ryan is getting ready for her speech at the convention and Lisa finds Dina in a bar, sorting things out, decide that Ryan needs the group. They find Sasha leaving the hotel and finally listen and believe her story. Liz is telling Ryan what to say in her speech in order to cover up the scandal, as we flip over to the girls, trying to make it to the centre for the speech. Ryan is getting up to talk after being introduced by Stewart. When she sees her friends in the back ground, she decides to spill the beans. She gives a motivational speech, which brings a standing ovation, as Stewart quickly slips out of the back and away from everyone. Liz feels the deal is a no go now and she's lost all of her money, only for the company to carry on working with Ryan along. She wants the deal but on the condition that Sasha is her partner in it too. The rest of the trip is full of the girls enjoying, Julian and Ryan starting a relationship and ends with Ryan stating that the 'Flossy Posse' is back for good.

I honestly think that this film was a little funny at best. It wasn't really original and contained too many sub-plots on a serious level, such as adultery, which took the fun side away from it a times. Each character had their own draws but sometimes this didn't work either. Dina, was too over the top at times and Ryan wasn't really given too much humour to be able to be involved in the movie for the comedy aspect. This may have been to show how they had changed from school years but at times, the same jokes were drawn out too long. Overall, it seemed over the top regarding their mannerisms and dialogue, to emphasise these ladies' culture. Yes, there is always a part in these films where the friends argue and get back together at the end and it's down to this that made it just another comedy.

 

 



Don't shoot, I've got your shoe! (Atomic Blonde 2017)

 

 

 

132.

Atomic Blonde

 

 

 

 

8/10
 

 

 

It's been a long time since I've seen a movie about a woman kicking ass and this trailer, along with its music left me wondering what was in store. The trailer has John Goodman's character talking about not being able to trust anyone, which without doubt means that there will be some sort of betrayal within the storyline. My guess will that it will either be Goodman's character himself or the more likely option of James McAvoy's character. Some behind the scenes stories showed plenty of injuries whilst filming and although it's based on a graphic novel, Charlize Theron spent five years getting this project in motion. Let's hope that this film is a natural, rather than a simple, botched peroxide blonde.

East Berlin in 1989 and a spy is running through the streets, whilst being chased by a car. James Gascoigne is soon caught and crushed between two cars and the guy chasing him, Yuri Bakhtin, gets out of his car before shooting Gascoigne point blank after asking him for some 'list'. He retrieves a watch of the body and the dumps it into the water. So far there's been some interesting features to the visuals and sounds. Each location and time is being spray painted onto the screen and as some 80's music plays, its loud until the first car pulls up at the kill seen and then we can hear the song from the car radio. This almost acts as if we are the driver the whole time. It's now 10 days later and Charlize Theron's character, Lorraine Broughton is lying in a bath tub of ice. She's completely naked, even after she gets out and this is to show the audience how battered, bruised and cut she is. Finally dressed, she heads into the office for a debrief of her latest mission with her superior Eric and a CIA agent Emmett. She isn't too happy about the CIA agent but behind the two-way mirror are more and the MI6 head, Chief C. Since the murder, everyone had been searching for the 'list', which it turns out contains information on Soviet field agents within Western Europe. The two debriefing Lorraine let her know that Gascoigne was betrayed by someone called Conrad Satchel. I knew there was some sort of betrayal.

Instant flash back and we have Lorraine sitting in an office with Chief C and Eric, a day after the murder and she is next to step foot in Berlin to get The List, kills satchel and escape back. She is to meet with her contact, Percival, who is played by James McAvoy. It looks like this movie is based around the debriefing. Once Percival is mentioned, she heads to Berlin and see him in an outside, illegal bar where he meets Spyglass, a Stasi officer. This guy has information for Percival about The List but needs to escape the country in exchange. The party gets broken up by the police and everyone scatters, leaving the deal up in the air. The next day and a KGB arms dealer has caught some of the party goers, questioning them about seeing Spyglass, but not before a bit of torture. With a few hits, the blood lands on the actual camera/screen. Lorraine has made it to Berlin but is picked up by two undercover KGB agents instead of Percival. She quickly knows this and bursts into action, causing the car to crash and Percival finally catches her up, when is upside down in the car. He joins her on her mission but she is also being watched by an unknown brunette in the distance.

Her stay in Berlin so far has led her to meet up with a German ally of MI6, The Watchmaker. He gives her the information to go to Gascoigne's flat and she lets Percival know that she is on her way there, to which he responds that they weren't. She gets there and finds a picture of him with Percival. Soon though, a few policemen arrive. The place looks like it has already been ransacked, to look for The List. These policemen look as if they are on someone's pay roll because they instantly set about to kill her. Some decent fights scenes take us through a few minutes, with fists flying and some wire for strangling, she ends with using it to swing out of the window and finally escape, even with it wrapped around an officer's neck. We are back in the debriefing, as Lorraine mentions that it could have been Percival who sent the men, he was the only one who knew where she was going. That night she heads to a bar, where the KGB arms dealer tries it on with her, but she's saved by the brunette from earlier, who acts as her friend. Delphine is her name and she's a right looker. Played by Sofia Boutella, Lorraine is suspicious of her intentions and after confronting her in a corridor, the two begin to actually get it on. A sex scene with the two woman ends with both lying in bed, with Delphine revealing that she is a French undercover agent, on the case of who Satchel is.

Back at The Watchmaker's and Bakhtin, the guy from the first murder, is back on the scene and looking for a buyer of the watch he has found. Inside the watch is The List. As he leaves, Percival is approached by him, with the watch in hand but instead of a normal transaction, Percival dries an ice pick through his forehead and takes the watch for himself. He reads the list and now has all of the power. So, I was right? Or is he going to give it over? Delphine has been seen taking photos of Lorraine to, so is she in on it too?

Lorraine now meets with another guy in the East side of Berlin, disguised as a brunette herself. The guy is called Merkel and has the inside knowledge of many things and will be used to help Spyglass get across the border and into safety. The meeting ran late though as she was followed across the border by the main KGB agents working with the arms dealer. Inside a cinema, there is another few scenes of fighting, until she can finally escape and meet with her own contact, Merkel. Lorraine's room is filled with neon lights and along with the music, it really sets the mood for the time period of the film. Percival puts Lorraine in touch with Spyglass and the two make a plan to get him across the border. It involves them all, along with his family, joining a protest down the streets and ending with some fake passports. They have passports made there and then, which would raise a little suspicion as the holders are all wearing the same clothes as their passport photos. In the window are KGB, scoping out to take a few shots in order to kill Lorraine and Spyglass. She knows there is a mole in the group so adds a surprise as all of the people put up some black umbrellas, blocking the killer's views. Percival is quick to point out that he wasn't involved in this idea, just before shots are fired from a window, miss and Lorraine takes Spyglass through the crowd. Percival turns and fires a bullet at him, and succeeds. Finally, he's made a move and proved me right. The under-pressure pair make it into a nearby building. Again, we see a lot of fighting and gun slinging and this is probably the best in the film. Staircase scenes and into rooms, she fighting using all sorts of things, nearly everything apart from the kitchen sink. There was even a portable stove top. It spills out onto the streets and into a car chase. It includes gun shots once more but more music too, which disappears after a crash but returns once again once a bullet flies through the window. Lorraine and Spyglass are both send into a river and although she tries to help him, a trapped Spyglass sinks with the car, along with her information on The List, which he had memorised. She makes it back to her apartment, wondering how this all went down and finds a French 'bug' inside her coat, which had been listening to everything she had done. Was Delphine in on this all of the time? Delphine herself knows this now too and phones Percival, knowing of his motives. She had been photographing him with Gascoigne and later, with the KGB arms dealer. He turns up at her place and even though she puts up a fight, stabs him in the shoulder and knocks him back, he still gets the better of her and strangles her to death. Lorraine turns up too late, simply to find the body and move on to Percival's place, which he has started to burn down. His recordings of Lorraine talking are playing and all along he had hidden a 'bug' inside his plaster cast on his wrist. He has already waked outside to a celebrating Berlin that has declared it shall knock down its dividing wall. He breaks the forth wall, which is rare for the movie and tries to tie up loose ends about betrayal. She catches up with him, declaring that he is Satchel and plants a bullet in his head. She now has The List and we return to the debriefing, where she presents the pictures and audio recordings to prove that he was a traitor. Eric Gray closes the case when she admits she no longer knows where The List is.

Three days after the meeting and Lorraine is in Paris to meet with the arms dealer, with the false intent of giving him The List. He knows that she isn't who she says she is and instantly calls her out on it. His men surround her but end up on the losing end as she brings out a gun and blows them away. She leaves the dealer until the end, drops her British accent for her true American one and reveals that she was Satchel all along. With him dead, she leaves as the triple agent for the CIA as the film finishes with the song Under Pressure, representing just how much weight was on her shoulders. She gets onto a plane with the CIA agent from the debriefing, who calls her out on her calling him names at the beginning, knowing they were in it all together from the start.

The end of this movie was fast paced and crazy to keep up with but we got there in the end. I felt that this movie had a much better story line compared to the John Wick films, which got boring for me half way through, but that could be just the Keanu Reeves effect. It kept you guessing. This film was sexy, action packed, music filled and represented the decade it was set in, in a way that brought forward it's most recognisable features. Anyone who loves a high octane, action movie, will enjoy this female spy hit.

Whatever it is, it's not real. It's not real! It's not... (Annabelle: Creation 2017)

131.

Annabelle: Creation

9/10

Probably one of my most anticipated movie of the year. With my love of horror movies, IT was an Odeon exclusive before this film began. This too, looked amazing but for now, it's time to delve back into the Conjuring Universe and find out about how the doll was made. The first Annebelle movie was ok, but seemed like a filler between the actual Conjuring movies themselves. When I seen the trailer to this one, there was a sense of excitement. I'm not someone who usually 'jumps' whilst watching a horror movie, but when I do, it's definitely a good sign. With the cast consisting of a group of young girls, it was going to be interesting to find out about their acting ability. Was this going to be a great horror? Or a horrible attempt, gearing up towards its big competitor in the shape of Pennywise the Clown.

1943 and a dollmaker is seen in his shop, creating dolls, clearly Annabelle style and many of them. Once he finishes his first, he opens the back and labels it 1 of 100. A letter slips under his door, his daughter asking to play hide and seek. Once he's found her, he and his wife take turns in tickling her, clearly wanting to show how close and in love this family truly is. The next day and the family are in church and upon leaving, the father is asked about a doll order that he is finishing up. As the trio drive home, a tyre blows and as Samuel is changing it, the daughter 'Bee' runs out, chasing her toy and straight into an oncoming car. Her doll slams into the floor with half of its face missing. The title of the movie appears as a branding onto the back of wood, appearing as the wood that was labelled on the back of the doll earlier. Along with this we see that the doll that the daughter has now moved in to, is being put in a closet full of pages, priests using holy water and locked away for good.

Twelve years passes and we aboard a bus from an orphanage, carrying 6 girls, a Priest and Sister Charlotte. The Mullins, our family from the beginning, are offering their home as shelter for this group, apart from the Priest. 4 girls stick together and the other two, Janice and Linda, have to bunk as the outcasts of the group. Janice has a brace on her leg as she struggles walking due to polio. The girls are shown around in a near enough montage style with music but as Janice gets to a door, it's locked and Samuel sternly tells her that it stays that way. At night, Janice wakes as a letter slides under her door, asking her to come and find her. Getting to the locked door, it unlocks and she enters, finding a doll house, a key hidden in a closet in it and uses the key to unlock the actual closet inside the room. Opening it, she sees a doll, the Annebelle doll and the closet door now begins to open itself, even after repeatedly being closed. The demon has now unknowingly been unleashed and begins to slowly terrorise the girls. Sister Charlotte has been shown to her room and the door to a small lift keeps opening. Along with that, Samuel notices a picture of her on her bedside table. It's her with some nuns and he notices another figure in the shadows. It's the nun from Conjuring 2, the nun who is rumoured to be having her own spin-off film. Outside, everyone except Janice, is trying to enjoy but Linda isn't really wanted and they tell her to go and hide and they will find her. She gets under the stair and soon hears a noise, turns around and the doll is staring at her, before being dragged backwards by two creature like hands.  One night, the two oldest are trying to scare each other, with stories, underneath blanket. Beyond the sheet they notice a figure, and once they notice it has gone, a hand grabs one of their heads causing them to scream. The figure was wearing half a mask on their face, like a doll's face. The father of the house walks in after the screaming, along with the nun and he instantly dismisses their theory that the girls seen his wife in their room. He explains that she hasn't walked in years. They are clearly shook up by the encounter, as the next day they are approached by Linda and refuse to talk about it.  Mainly focusing its attentions on Janice, she has once again found herself going into Annabelle's room after hearing music playing. She sees the young daughter standing near the window, and talks to her, asking what she wants. Her reflection shows her face staring ahead but as she turns around, her face turns black, yellow eyes and a deep, demon voice shouts, 'Your Soul'. She attempts to escape to downstairs by using the chair lift. As she travels down though, the demon reverses it and she is slowly driving back up top. As she sits, unknowing what to do, black hands grab her and take her to the ceiling. Dropping her on the ground and leaving her passed out. She wakes, severely crippled and placed into a wheelchair. We are seeing a lot more of this demonic presence compared to the other movies. Not just in its actions, but the actual black figure.

Janice is wheeled outside by Charlotte and enjoys the sun until a figure, dressed as the Sister, pushes her towards the old dollmaker's barn. You can see that the hands look dead and the plan is complete as she crashes into the barn. She tried to get back into the chair but it's thrown away from her by an invisible force and in the back, is a wardrobe that is trying to open. She crawls under the floor boards, only to find the ghost daughter under there, who holds her down and spews black liquid into Janice's mouth. A move which we have seen in other horror films regarding possession. Once the other break into the barn to help Janice, she is sitting in her chair, acting normal to an extent but clearly things are right. Linda notices that things have changed between her and Janice's friendship, knowing that he best friend has changed too. Sitting on the porch, she admits to Samuel about the doll and breaking into the room and he goes crazy. Knowing that shit is about to go down. He leaves that night and stays away until the morning but when he comes back, he's carving a cross out of wood in the dining room. Janice wheels, up, stands up and Samuel recognises that this isn't the girl anymore. The cross is torn from his hand and he's later found dead, seemingly drained and left in the room. That night Linda takes action and steals the doll from a sleeping Janice. He heads outside and throws it down into the well outside. Sister Charlotte follows her and doesn't stop her actions but when the girl is nearly dragged down into the well but white, dirty hands, she knows all is not well. Back into the house and Janice has disappeared into Bee's room. The doll is back too and Linda heads to bed. She throws a ball into the corridor which is gripped by something so she runs onto the top bunk as something runs onto the bottom. There are black footprints leading the way but she manages to drop off to sleep.

Finally, Sister Charlotte heads into the room with Esther Mullins to ask what is happening, she brings the doll for a scare factor too. We are sent into flashbacks as the mother explains that she asked for her daughter back, in any way possible. After a few glimpses and the music playing in her room, they knew that it wasn't really their daughter. It asked permission to live inside the doll. It started becoming a bit more aggressive too and finally Esther tried to calm it, walking into her room with a cross and bible, hoping that it would leave. The create grew in size, with long black arms and legs, a disfigured body and full demon noises, before turning on Esther and gouging her eye out. This is the reason for the mask and the flash back ends with her taking off the mask itself. The sister knows they are in trouble so wants to get the girls out. Knowing this, a possessed Janice plans on stopping it. She lifts Charlotte up and slams her into a wall, knocking her out before turning her attention on Linda. She makes it into the small lift, with the usual scene of it being dragged up and down the shaft. Outside the older girls make it into the car and in the distance, we can see the scarecrow that they earlier made fun of. It's slowly moving every time that they turn the engine over and the headlights turn on. A fight commences inside the barn, where once again the scarecrow is pinned to the wall, but its clothes begin to ruffle as the black demon grows out of them. In one darker scene, we see the demon lower itself from the ceiling rafters before the girls can escape back to the car.  Every room is revisited and Esther is ripped in half, attached to the wall, just like the scarecrow outside and Linda gets out of the lift into the room, only for the torso to chase her along the floor. Linda is now in Bee's room with the doll in the closet, the Sister is back to help Linda out and locks Janice in the closet too. Others ring the police and once they arrive to check everything out, Janice has escaped through a hole in the wall. She's know full on crazy. They remove the doll as evidence.

We are in an orphanage in Santa Monica now, a happy looking place and a couple are led to a room to meet someone they are adopting. It's Janice and she is now going under the name of Annabelle. Of course she is. The Higgins family take her in and 12 years later, Annabelle has set up a cult with her boyfriend. The murder her adoptive parents, which wakes up their neighbours, spiralling the story into the first Annabelle moving. A clever ending that answered questions for me. I thought that the doll was possessed from this woman crying blood into it, but clearly there was a longer creation in the works. The credits are filled with the doll turning its head to the audience but more importantly the Nun. Once again looking to link this into the universe in a big way. It's set in 1952 for this scene and the demon is called Valak.

This was a great addition to the universe and a lot better than the first Annabelle. It contained some great, fun and jumpy scenes which is the sign of a good horror but the most interesting thing was how much we seen the demon itself. I assumed it would be just a lot of the doll, someone being possessed and then things thrown about. Lulu Wilson was a standout as Linda and along with the other girls cast, it was a really good film that wasn't weird to watch considering so much of it didn't included a male character on screen. The set was old and creepy, the parents were shadows of their happy selves and Janice's roll of turning from a disabled, vulnerable girl, into a non-stop possessed machine was brilliant. Gore, suspense, twists and turns make this a prequel to help us forget about the first that was meant to be the prequel for the Conjuring movie. It sometimes relies on false scare too and the use of loud sounds but mainly, the audience knows when to expect something as the sound and music vanish altogether. We all know that this doll is creepy as shit but it's made to look this scary for the audience. The actual doll is a lot more normal and can be seen as a gift for 'Annabelle' at the end adoption. It gives me a need for more horror, another Conjuring and whatever else is in store from this group. Bring on Halloween to go out as Valak!

What's my stance on 9/11?....We lost 19 of our best guys (The Big Sick 2017)

130.

The Big Sick

 

 

 

 

8/10

 

 

This was another Odeon Screen Unseen and from the clues, myself and a lot of other people thought the movie was going to be the new Tom Cruise one. We got to the cinema late and missed the opening credits to see what the movie as and simply thought that the beginning was some sort of short movie about a stand-up comedian. The longer it went on, the more we realised that this was the movie and I hadn't a clue what I was in store for.

So, the comedian is Pakistani and making fun of the way he grew up, between his show slots, he drives an Uber cab around Chicago. They are a close-knit group of comedians involving Kumail himself, CJ, Mary and Chris, who they admit is the least funny. When they spot a talent scout for a show in Canada, they all are looking to impress. During one of his performance, Kumail gets cheered on by young woman named Emily she's given him a 'woo hoo'. After the show, he approaches her and tells her that it's rude to heckle during the show. She doesn't see it the same way and instantly her friend leaves the bar as the attraction grows between these two. He tries a few things to impress her, including writing her name in Urdu, before she reveals she is training to be a therapist. The two move on and head back to his place, watch a movie and get it on. She regrets it and soon wants to leave by calling and Uber, the obvious, nearest driver being the guy she is lying next to. So, we have been introduced to our two main characters so far, their occupations and a little bit of a life story through the comedy.

We are now seeing another side, in the Pakistani household. The family are sitting down to dinner and Kumail's mother has arranged for a female to come visit. Clearly someone that she wants her son to get to know for the arranged marriage. She always says that they are simply in the neighbourhood, but Kumail has no interest in these woman, even though he keeps all of their pictures in a cigar box. Instead, Kumail and Emily continue to see each other without any of his family knowing. She attends is awful one-man-show, they go back to his place for a movie and more sex and have a weird exchange at night. She wants to leave to get a coffee across the road but in fact she doesn't want to have a shit at his place. He waits outside the apartment until she is done and then she asks to be taken home. She requests that they never speak again but as she walks in through the door, he immediately calls her and they go upstairs.

A few days later and Kumail spends some time with his brother, finally admitting that he is seeing a white girl. Naveed doesn't take this well and asks him to follow their tradition, reminding him of their cousin who has been disowned for not doing what the family wanted. The scene switches to the couple shopping and Emily complains about a twisted ankle from dance class. Back at his apartment and she finds the cigar box with the pictures. Freaking out, not listening to his reasons for having them, she finds out about the arranged marriage deal and that Kumail's family doesn't know anything about their relationship. She storms out and we are left wondering if they will ever see each other again. With over an hour left, I'm sure they will. That night, after another stand up show, takes a woman home after the same Urdu trick. I need to get in on this. Also, this guy doesn't hang around, fair play. In bed, he gets a call from Jesse, Emily's friend, insisting that he goes to the hospital after Emily is in for sickness. He shows up and she isn't too pleased to see him, just before a doctor pulls him out of the room and tells him that she has an infection in her lungs and they need to put her in an induced coma. The doctor pushes him to lie about being her husband so that he can sign the forms allowing the treatment. Once she's under, he uses her thumb to unlock her phone and call her parents. Once they show up, they quickly want to get rid of Kumail, obviously knowing about their daughter and his relationship and more importantly, how it ended. Terry, the dad, is a little more understanding whereas the mum thinks Kumail screwed it up with Emily. The three are in a room as a doctor update them and later, in the canteen, Kumail is called over by Terry to come and sit with them. The topic is a little awkward and on the topic of the 9/11 attacks. The kind of humour for this movie is shown as Kumail is asked his opinions and instantly discuss that they lost 19 good men. Insinuating that he is a terrorist sympathiser. He quickly shows that he is joking but it's a brilliant, if not dark sense of humour. I was in stitches. The humour throughout is pretty dry and right up my street.
The parents are staying in Emily's flat because they don't live in the area. They invite Kumail in but he tries his best to avoid spending time with them. In the end, they go to his show at the comedy club to take their mind of things as best they can. They are both enjoying this form of comedy, that's until some jock starts piping up and heckling Kumail racially. Beth takes more offence and wants to fight the guy, before she is chucked out of the club. Back at Emily's and Terry is passed out on the couch as Beth shows Kumail pictures of Emily when she was younger and in a goth phase. Back at Kumail's and he is nowhere to be seen as the mother has brought yet another woman over. They try to introduce the two to each other another time but Kumail takes her home and lets her down, showing his true feelings about Emily to this woman. He has finally come to the realisation of how her feels and he isn't afraid to tell his family.
The doctors realise that Emily needs to stay in the coma longer than they thought, just to be safe. Beth is worried and wants to move her to a better hospital, but Kumail asks the nurses and they explain why this is a bad idea, so now he must stop the parents with their plan. He also tells her about the bad ankle that she was complaining about and instantly you can see a light bulb ping in her head. Things are becoming more strained between Beth and Terry and the later ends up spending the night at Kumail's. He admits to Kumail that he once cheated on Beth and she has never really forgiven him for this. He knew he really loved his wife after the experience. The next morning and Terry has left to go to the hospital, both are moving on with their plan of taking Emily to a new hospital, leaving Kumail pleading with them to stop. This guy is spending every day that he can there with this unconscious woman that pretty much hates him, that's some dedication. Back at his own place, Kumail's parents show up, wanting answers on why he rejected their latest set up. He finally spills the beans and is instantly disowned for being selfish. So far, I think is guy is being anything other. You tell them mate. He finally flips out at a fast food joint, when they won't put extra cheese on his burger. This is the first time that this guy has shown any raw anger and emotion, other than wanting the parents to not move Emily. He gets a text, reminding him about the audition for Canada is in 20 minutes. When he arrives, he is clearly not in the right frame of mind. As he gets on stage, he breaks down and talks about Emily instead, unable to hide his emotions. He visits her that night and whispers that it's ok if she wants to let go now.
The next day and he is wondering what the hell has happened. He gets a text from Terry asking him to visit the hospital and when he arrives at the door to Emily's room, she is sitting up, all smiles and with her parents. The three are told what has caused Emily's condition and once they leave the room, Kumail walks in to Emily. She's still clearly mad. He makes her sad and she doesn't want to see him. He leaves and see Beth in the corridor, stating that it's crazy for what they have been through and may not see each other again. Beth wonders whether that has to be so. The parents organise a welcome home party for her and obviously invite Kumail. He brings gifts for her and she takes him into her bedroom in private, so that he can say how much he has changed for her. He doesn't think it's healthy for them to set their sights on something that they don't feel mutually about. Yet again he is leaving feeling rejected. He heads back to the comedy club to see his friends. They've decided to leave for New York and want him to leave with them. Knowing he no longer has anyone else, he accepts and is soon packing. Life goes on, Kumail goes to his family's house and receives the silent treatment. He refuses to be kicked out of the family and leaves stating his case well. Beth and Terry can now share a bed together again, Emily goes through physical therapy and Kumail carries on his one man show. Whilst Emily is in bed, she watches the show that Kumail did when he broke down. Realising that what he said was truly sincere. Beth talks her and tells her that Kumail was there, every single day. Finally, it's his final one man show and at the end we see that his brother has come to see it. As they chat, in walks Emily, who he admits about moving away to. She seems reluctant to talk about why she is actually there in the first place and wishes him good luck instead. As he packs the car, his parents pull up but only his father can face looking at him. He insists that his son is still kicked out of the family but wishes him the best for the future. The film ends with Kumail bringing his comedy show to the New York crowd and a 'woo hoo' can be heard from a female. It's Emily with some of her friends. With some exchange, he asks where she is from and she says that she is there to see someone. The two share a smile as the credits begin, drawing an end to the movie. In the credits, we see pictures of the real characters from this movie. We see Kumail and Emily having a traditional Pakistani wedding, all with her and his parents both standing in the pictures.
I had no idea that this was based on a true story and it has become a guilty pleasure for the year. It made me glad that the screen unseen was this movie, a lot more than watching something with Tom Cruise. The humour appealed to me in all ways. It was dark at times, dry and there was a lot of people not taking themselves too seriously at times. When it came to the more emotional scenes, they were delivered well by two main characters I had never seen before. Ray Romano played Terry and his own dry characteristics added to each scene he was present in. It left you rooting for the two to work things out and at one point, I thought it was doomed but to see the ending we did, left it on a cliff hanger on whether they made it, until we see the real-life pictures of the wedding. You become attached to each character which is the sign of a good if not great romantic comedy, but this one didn't follow the normal conventions of the genre. It shows that what you value can sometimes depends on the greatest of sacrifices. It turns out to be so much more than just a rom-com and gives people confidence, once again, within the genre.  

 

 



I'm fighting for a noble cause too, Mine. (Valerian and the City of a Thousand planets 2017)

129.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

 

 

 

 

8.5/10

 

 

An adaptation of French comics named Valerian and Laureline, brought back an onscreen collaboration for it's digital effects, from the people that brought us Avatar, Van Helsing and Contact. From the trailer alone, I knew that this needed to be seen in the splendour of 3D. Luc Besson, the writer for the cult films, The Fifth Element and Leon, along with working on the Taken films, we can expect something interest and action packed. The film contains so many different alien species that each actor and actress had to read the 600 page, written by Besson, describing each one, in order to know how to react to each one they would come across. Now that is some dedication from both parties. I love sci-fi and mainly individual's own ideas on what they believe aliens and monsters look like. I loved The Fifth Element for this exact reason, along with the futuristic city and planets, delivered though stunning graphics at the time. Let's break this down and see if the movie is out of this world or will simply disappear into a black hole.

The film begins with a montage of a space station being built in the orbit of Earth to the music of David Bowie and the well chosen, Space Oddity. This songs continues as we watch the station grow in size, accommodating more and more nations from the World, who have finally created a space programme. Within a decade, species have all come to join the station with their own ships, bringing their own knowledge of the Universe and more importantly, peace. This montage is shown through many hand shakes, quickly shown as each welcoming officer is actually a writer or producer that Besson has worked with in the past. Soon, the station has become too big to be supported by Earth's gravity and actually becomes a danger, therefore it's pushed into deep space to begin a journey, where Mankind has never been. 400 years has passed and we are on the planet Mul. Princess Liho wakes in her massive shell of a house and picks up a small creature called a convertor. A little lizard, while she resembles a kind of whiter Avatar, with gill like ears and radiant skin. The setting is a beautiful sea front, bright blue sea and pearls are collected from the shallows. Pearls are actually the name of this species. The little balls are taken to the Emperor, who picks out on to give to his daughter. Most of the voices for this species are pretty high and the only way I could distinguish between the sex it the clothing that they are wearing. Liho receives the pearl, which she lets the convertor eat. These little things then reproduce the pearls and drop them back into nature as a way of giving back what the land has given them. Kind of like us chopping down trees and replanting two more in its place. As Liho is loving her view, dark clouds appear in the atmosphere as many small ships break through and come crashing into the land. The Pearls run to a close ship to find survivors, just as massive ship hurtles down towards the horizon, creating such an impact that an explosion threatens to end the planet. Liho is alone, running to the town centre to find no-one, but heading to the downed ship to see that her fellow Pearls and family members have closed the door for protection but the handle has snapped off. A massive wave of dust, fire and death heads her way as she accepts defeat in front of her parents. As she dies, she sends a bright blue wave through the Universe, which ends up waking Major Valerian from his nap.

Valerian is played by Dane DeHaan, who I've already witnessed as the Green Goblin in the Amazing Spiderman. He's a creepy looking bloke anyway, but his character in this is soon revealed as a bit of a ladies man. He's laying on a beach and thinks he has just woken from a dream about the planet Mul. He play fights with Cara Delevingue's character, Sergeant Laureline, before she actually turns the simulation off and we see that the are simply in one of their ship's rooms. They have a little tension about his past with other girls, the fact that he has forgotten her birthday and that they are coming to their area for the mission. Valerian wants to make things more serious between these two but her head is on the mission as they fly into the planet Kyrian, dressed as tourists to blend in. They take a call from a higher officer who fills them in, before meeting up with a ground team who take them to a market place in a yellow school bus. Valerian has to enter the market as the others wait outside and before he leaves, he asks his partner to marry him. Once we get inside the market place, we see some people walking around a massive area of sand. People need to put on a special visor in order for the marketplace to appear. Not only is it just widespread, but it's also deep into the ground. Just like we see the street in The Fifth Element, the marketplace is just as deep into the ground. He; stands at a map as we see the back of two characters staring at him but as he turns around, they have gone. He makes it to a meeting, deep in the dark part of the market between a fat pig like creature and what turns out to be the two people who we seen staring at him. These are Pearls and they have come to buy a converter creature of this man. They pay him with a pearl but not before an invisible Valerian steals both items and makes a run for it. Throughout the chase we get to see many different creatures of all shapes and sizes and this is something that really appeals to me, as each one shows their unique abilities for humour. Finally making it out with the help of his partner. One of the ground troops has used a device to control the mind of a guard in the tower. The massive pig guy, Igon, clearly voiced by John Goodman, releases a pet beast that chases the team down. The tower guard shoots at it, misses and the team are back on the bus for a getaway with a massive creature on their tail. It's catches up effortlessly, breaking its way into the top of the bus, just as Valerian calls his ship for a pick up. The two get on as the rest of the team are getting mangled, but the beast makes a leap and attaches itself to the top. Flying high enough, the creature loses it's grip, before plummeting back down to the ground.

As they head to drop off a report on their mission, they fly up to Alpha, the name of the massive space station we have seen being built from the start. It's massive, with plenty of traffic in and out. They meet Commander Arun Filitt, played by Clive Owen and with this guy's acting technique, we know he's clearly the villain of this movie already. He fills them in on something bigger, an infection from deep within the station is threatening to wipe everyone out. Many have gone to investigate, with no-one actually making it back alive. The higher command want the Major and Sergeant to protect the Commander for the foreseeable future, as the many will come for the convertor. Filitt requests to hold onto the little creature, which Laureline rejects. It's safer for her to hold it if he is the target. Once he leaves the room alone, he heads to a containment room, where he is holding a pretty beaten up Pearl. He tells his men to carry on trying to get information out of it. My guess so far is that this Commander knows what has happened to the Pearl's planet.

We can fast forward through a few good scenes that we don't really need to delve too far into. The Commander calls a council to discuss the infection growing, the Pearls break in, cover everyone in blue 'goo', kidnap the Commander, Valerian follows them, turning into a chase scene in their ships, ending with them both disappearing off the radar and into the infection itself. All in all, with some beautiful scenes. Now that Laureline has lost contact, she is apprehended when she wants to track him down and after fighting off her two guards, she is approached by three bird-like aliens. These remind me of grey witches in 'Hercules', who shared an eyeball. Although they have their full features, their knowledge was shared between the three, so killing one means that all the knowledge would be lost. They agree to help for the right price and take her to a pirate who catch a quartex jellyfish for her, helping her to track her partner down. Finally getting the job done, she heads off to find him.

Locating him and his crashed ship, he's been outers all this time and on the edge of a cliff that contains pink butterflies. She goes to touch one, just as Valerian tells her not too. The main reason is because they are bait for a much larger problem. She's caught like a fish on a line and is pulled up by large aliens. Valerian knows the only way to help her is to get caught too, but he blows the head off his fisherman and sees Laureline being carted off in a cage. As he follows the trail and the story flips on who is saving who, they are in a sketchy part of Alpha. He can't pass the guards to get to Laureline so must go and look for a shapeshifter in order to help him out. He's in the red light district and is invited into a club, which has a shapeshifter on show. The owner is played by Ethan Hawke, who takes his gun off him for safety, not knowing he still has one stowed away in a disguise. The dancer and shapeshifter is Rihanna, playing a character named Bubble. The scene is mesmerizing for Valerian and me, as she changes outfits, songs and image. As he asks her for help, all she cares about is her performance and the fact that she can't leave in fear of being killed. Valerian's gun falls out in the sight of the owner, so he's quickly stunned as the two escape, with Bubble disguised as the owner himself. She attaches herself onto Valerian and turn the two of them into the ugly alien that has taken Laureline. In the mean time, we see the female Sergeant being forced to try dresses on by some sort of idiot member of the alien species. It reminds me of the mannerisms that are shown by Gollum in Lord of the Rings, once the creature is happy. She is finally put in some sort of wedding dress and massive white hat, with the top cut off, exposing her scalp. The disguised duo make it into a massive hall as a line of aliens are carrying different plates of food to their leader, which he doesn't seem to enjoy any off them. The dopey alien is standing next to him, excited for each one, until its spits them back out. Laureline is carrying some sort of red jelly but it soon becomes clear that she is actually on the menu. The exposes head is soon victim to some sort of cutter, like one that would chop the end of a cigar, but before the process is complete, Valerian and Bubble spring into action. saving her and making an escape once the leader is scalped instead. They have escaped down a vent, trying to regroup but finding that Bubble wasn't so lucky in the chaos. She hears that she was the greatest performer before turning into dust.

Further into Alpha, they make is too a wall of colour, just as a Pearl walks out to greet them and take them inside. Walking through the wall, they see a big group of Pearls and their leaders, Emperor Haban and his wife. As the two Humans demand answers, we too learn that 30 years ago their planet was destroyed, the part we knew, but Commander Filitt was the one that caused it. He didn't care for the planet as the ships he was fighting where sent hurtling down into it. That's why he killed everyone who knew and locked all of the files away. This coincides with the rest of the control room finally unlocked the documents and working it out. He has any staff that knew about this, killed. They can rebuild their world by using the convertor and pearl that Valerian and Laureline possess. We find out that the reason Valeria has been seeing all of this is in dreams was due to Liho's spirit possessing him. Laureline has to convince her Major to not follow orders for once and to give the items to the Pearls. They have survived all this time by fixed the crashed ship from the beginning. The Commander wakes up and is soon but back out as Valerian sparks him in the sweet spot. He has set the robots to attack the soldiers that have arrived outside the coloured wall and also to attack the people in the command centre. He wanted the Pearls destroyed and wouldn't stop until all loose ends were sorted. Some Pearls and Humans are killed as Filitt orders the attack, even after being woken back up to stop it all. Finally, the good side wins and the Commander is exposed for everything and arrested. The Pearls use the items to create a simulation of their home planet before blasting off into space. Liho can now rest in peace and the two are ejected from the ship, to enjoy some much-needed time off before the rescue team arrive. Valerian proposes again, this time with a ring made from a pearl. As she promises that she will be the only one on his list, the camera zooms out with the two sharing a kiss.

The film was beautifully made, with plenty of species, terrains, vehicles and landscapes on show. I'm so glad that I chose to watch this in 3D. The Pearls resemble a lot of the Avatar qualities and so does the story to an extent. A species forced from their home by man, putting up a fight that they don't really want to, in order to live once again in peace. Once problem was that maybe the story was too obvious, as if the audience couldn't work things out for themselves. The acting is the most intense, with passion at a minimum from two main stars that I haven't been blown away by in the past. Overall, this wouldn't be a film for someone looking for massive twists, but something very safe, visually breath-taking and has a nice story. It acts like a detective storyline, mixed with a conventional sci-fi movie with a satisfying ending. I will be going to see this once more before it leaves the cinema, that's for sure.