It's official, old buddy. I'm a has-been (Once upon a time... In Hollywood 2019)

243.

Once Upon a Time... In Hollywood
 

 

5.5/10

The world erupted when we heard that we were getting a masterpiece from Tarantino and with the cast, it was not hard to see why. I hadn't seen many trailers for this movie that gave too much away but after reading a few articles, I knew that we would be catching glimpse of Charles Manson and his 'Family'. This means that we could be seeing a lot of gore and hopefully, another dark couple of hours from someone that some consider one of the greats in directing and writing. Or so I thought.
Leonardo Di Caprio plays a Western genre actor called Rick Dalton who is on the lookout and struggling for work in the end years of the Golden Era at Hollywood. Brad Pitt plays his stunt double Cliff Barton, who finds work even harder to come by.

 Then we have some Margot Robbie. She plays Sharon Tate, who I recognise by name as being murder at the hands of the Manson Family. This could get really interesting. Taking into account the twists and turns we have had from something like the Hateful 8, it wouldn't be wrong to get carried away with what to expect here. Now don't forget, everyone has their opinions with the movie and I'm about to voice mine. This story was boring and definitely missed something. We followed Rick struggling for jobs, Cliff driving him around and then getting distracted by a young female who takes him to an old set. Now, this set has been overtaken by the Manson Family. Only the 'children' though, who have corrupted the owner into letting them stay. Cliff makes a bad impression before leaving.

 In and out of their story, we see one glimpse of Charles, scouting out the Polanski house, just as the true events happened and we also get the personal side of Rick Dalton. His struggles with working in Italy, his wife and his lifestyle. This comes to a head as the Manson Family move in. Now from events, I'm expecting to see Sharon Tate we hung, drawn and quartered. No no, they pick Rick's house, who is on the piss in his pool, Cliff is in the living room pissed up and we finally get some blood and lots of it. We even get a flame thrower death, brought about by Di Caprio on the trigger. They kill the youngsters and head to the Polankis house to be sheltered by Sharon Tate. Now that's a twist. The last 20 minutes were the only thing that resembled Tarantino for me.

The cast was really good and I really fear that they have been let down by the writing. Cliff Booth was probably my favourite character as he didn't give a shit. Even taking on Bruce Lee in a fistfight. As for Margot Robbie, she didn't really play a vital role in his movie. If it was her that took on the family in the end, we would be having a different conversation right now but that isn't the case. There were some genuinely tense moments created, such as Cliff at the Family ranch and some of the family members turning on themselves but that's about it. There were lots of cameos from actors and actresses and that felt like Hollywood giving themselves a slap on the back. It was boring up until the climactic end there was hardly a big storyline to follow. That might just be me being naive but at the end of the day, I've come to enjoy Tarantino at times for the over the top killings and twists from start to finish.

This movie was far from the masterpiece I was expecting and after leaving the cinema, I was left wanting a lot more for my time. I wasn't the only one either as I was one of the last of my mates to watch this and once they knew I had, they asked me my opinion before revealing that they felt exactly the same. I didn't want a non-turbulent movie that didn't get me gripped and even laughing at times. Utterly disappointed.



Fuck your fucking family! (Ready or Not 2019)

242.
Ready or Not

 


7/10

 

It had been a long time since Odeon had released a Scream Unseen, one of their horrors that you don't know what you are going to watch until it starts. There is no better time for them to chuck another in front of us than Halloween and this time I didn't look at any clues ad just went in blind and on a last-minute ticket. Turns out, we are watching Ready or Not and I've actually seen a trailer to this one. No lie, I honestly thought Margot Robbie was the lead. Turns out its Samara Weaving, who could definitely charge at parties to fill in for Robbie. The one other cast member that I recognise by face is Andie MacDowell. I have seen her in anything that I remember but she just has one of those faces that has been around a while. Let's get stuck in and play a game. I'm ready.
The whole premise of this movie is Weaving's character marrying into a famous board game creating family and with them being filthy rich, she is obviously nervous. The Aunt is the only one that seems to hate the new bride but this soon changes. They have a tradition that they need to play a game that is drawn at random from cards from a box. This box has magical powers and if they don't play the game, they won't accept the girl into the family. One problem, she pulls hide and seek and unknown to her, it's not the normal version.

Once the family finds her, they need to kill her. It has to be by sunrise otherwise the family will die. The old owner of the box had apparently made a deal with the devil and he demands a sacrifice every now and again. As the movie progresses, the husband catches up with the wife and explains it all and things become apparent to her as she witnesses a maid being killed by accident.
The movie progresses quickly with escaping, plenty of killing and Grace, our new wife, turns out to be quite a badass when backed into a corner. She ends up getting caught twice and the second time is tied to the sacrificial table, ready for the slaughter. This all whilst the husband is handcuffed upstairs as he reveals himself as helping her escape. This time it's his brother and her brother-in-law that steps up. He poisons the family wine and quickly unties her.

 His wife catches up with them and after a tussle with Grace, she accidentally shoots him and Grace then makes a run for it. Problem is, the husband comes across his dying brother and instead of finding out that Grace didn't do it, nothing is said. Grace is found by her husband in the dining room, like a game of Cluedo, after she has just struck down the mother-in-law with the card box that she drew from. Hubby is in bits and turns on her, holding her down and is ready for the sacrifice. He can't wait but a last-minute move of the head from Grace, he misses and up sprouts Grace, pulling the knife and grunting like an animal in the corner. The remaining family notices a bit of light from between the curtains and it's sunlight. Shitting themselves and being spotted doing so by Grace, she draws back the curtains and everyone scream, cowering behind tables and chairs, ready for death. Nothing. Absolutely nothing happens and some of the members that married into the family are calling bullshit. That's until one explodes. One by one, even the children, end up as nothing more than blood on the ceiling, blood on the floor, actually there's blood everywhere. That includes our bride who had her husband begging her to save her life until he explodes. The movie ends with Grace sitting on the same steps she got married on, covered in blood, lighting a cigarette she is approached by the police until the screen fades to black.

I have to say, this was a lot more fun than I was expecting. After seeing the trailer a while back, I thought it was going to be just another stupid horror flop but it also had a lot of comedy to help carry through the silliness. You couldn't go into this with any seriousness otherwise you wouldn't take it for what it is. After seeing this for a second time, I really did appreciate this a lot more.
The story was quite a unique one and because of this, it was that bit more enjoyable. It was a bit crazy but with it starting a silly game, bordering onto a cult and then becoming a pact with the devil-like I said, you couldn't take this as a full our horror. The humour was there for a reason and this wasn't through many jokes, although we did have comic relief in the shape of a usual guy who married into the family and one of the drug addict daughters. The laughter a lot of the time actually comes from the killings. Now I know that sounds pretty awful but the way in which some deaths occur brings a bit of laughter to the fold.
Samara Weaving played a great role for me. We watched her quickly develop from a dizzy bride to an absolute badass killing machine and usually I hate this but because of this type of movie, it worked this time around. It all ties in with the silliness of what is unfolding. Each character brings something different to the table and that alone is enough to keep you guessing if the tide will turn and who will either kill or be killed.
If you like horror comedies along the lines of Happy Death Day, then this could well and truly be up your street. It's not a long movie by any stretch of the imagination and is quite a close-knit story location wise. It takes place in a mansion and its grounds, which keeps the action flowing, the audience on its toes everyone wondering if she will actually get caught. Of course, she wouldn't be massacred. Movies in this genre mostly end in a 'happy' outcome, depending on your definition of happy.

Remember... (The Lion King 2019)

241.

Lion King

 

 

4/10
 

Here we go again. Disney giving a money-spinner and an easy way out from creating anything truly new. The original Lion King was a masterpiece and easily one of the best Disney movies to have been released, recognisable in most places so why do they feel the need to poke and pry and more than likely change things. They have most of the cast, which would have happened anyway but they also made sure they brought back James Earls Jones for the voice of Mufasa. When I found out that they were not bringing back Jeremy Irons for Scar and popping in Chiwetel Ejiofor instead, I was far from happy. Rawan Atkinson is still alive and kicking, he should be on the list too but I'm not happy with the Irons choice. Beyonce is now on the list as Nala and I can imagine that could only bring one of her songs during the movie. I really hope someone gets fed to the lions for this.

 

 

To the most part, this movie followed the original scenes no and again and when I mean followed, I mean shot for shot but the parts it didn't follow, Jesus. This movie was bloody bad but I'll start with the good stuff, or thing. The CGI was faultless and cinematography was at a high quality and visually, the movie was really stunning. That's were it stops. Due to the fact of them try to make the movie so realistic, as a live action that actually wasn't a live action, the movie actually lost its soul. Because of this wanted realism, there was absolutly no characteristics on the faces of the characters. If another person tells me, 'yeah but there are meant to be lions!', why are they talking then?? Simba had the same expression on his face when he was playing around with Nala as when he was standing next to his father's dead body and it felt empty compared to the animation from the 90's.

 

 

I could go on forever with things that I didn't enjoy. The recasting of Scar didn't work either. There was no sassiness, no sarcasm and that is exactly what Scar was famous for. He was a dried up uncle with a chip on his shoulder and the humour was lost. That goes for the rest of the movie too. The cast of the casting was alright. I enjoyed Seth Rogan as Pumba but as for Beyonce, she must have wanted it in her contract to be centre stage at times. There was a lovely feminism scene as Nala takes on the Hyenas and saves the day to an extent but hey-ho, we can't leave a movie without a scene like that these days.

 

 

The movie had seemed to be spread out and a lot of additional scenes added just to make the run time longer. Stick to the story as it was, people don't want the movie to be longer, they want the Lion King that they knew but improved. It was pissed all over. Instead of wanting to shed a tear when Mufasa died, I wanted to shed the tear at the end with this being a horrible experience. The one redeeming feature other than the CGI really was Mufasa and then they ruined his reincarnation as a cloud. This movie was like watching a National Geographic episode with some terrible voice over. Even Elton John chimed in and said he wasn't happy with the music and was never actually brought on board to help out. Now that is a crime! I wasn't a fan of the remake of the Jungle Book by Jon Favreau and this joins the collection by making it two out of two. Sort it out Disney! At least I can go back and watch the only good version of this movie now.


All the evil in here reminds me of all the good out there (Annabelle Comes Home 2019)

240.
Annabelle comes home
 

 

7/10

 

Yet another filler episode between the movies titled The Conjuring but this time we are back with our better cast. Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga play the Warrens and this time we are getting their daughter Judy as a main character too. As we have already seen from other movies, Annabelle the doll is now locked in the basement in the Warren's home. This is, along with many other possessed items are locked away for a reason. I really hope that we do get a lot of scares and a much better movie than something like the Nun. Unlike The conjuring duo, this movie is yet again only based around some artifacts that are actually in the Warren's occult. Let's find out whether we need to wait until next year for our next good installment.
We already know that shit is going to hit the fan when a babysitter is brought in as the Warrens are called away on a job. This young sitter knows the history of the house, knows the rules but they always come with a bitch of a friend with a hidden agenda. This is how it pans out. The friend wants to make contact with her dead dad and after touching some things in the basement she shouldn't have, a whole world of hell is let loose and that isn't just a description.

The daughter Judy, has her own paranormal trick as she constantly sees dead people, mind the quote from another movie.
After quite a bit of chasing, being introduced to some demons that could lead to spin-offs and a ghost of a priest showing the way, the girls find Annabelle and put her back into her box. This relieves that attacks from the other demons and even the love interest in the shape of a young lad is still alive after being chased away by a hellhound. As the story, simple as it is, draws to a close, the Warren's return home. Daniela, the useless friend comes clean and apologises to Lorraine after the three explain what has happened. Lorraine can tell the intentions were for Daniela to speak to her dad. Lorraine acts as a mediator between the two and gives her a message from him. The two then retire to join Judy's birthday party and crack on like nothing has happened. I'd be in the corner shitting my pants to be fair.

This was definitely one of the better fillers of The Conjuring universe as we wait for another 'true' story. What I liked about this one is that we didn't actually have to wait long for the action to start. Once it has started, it's usually small, building up to a climax. With so many demons or different varieties being involved with this one, there was always something waiting around the corner. At times and especially the hellhound, the CGI looked a little dated but with most of the story taking place over one night, the darkness of the movie helped a lot there. It was good to see another movie written by James Wan. The story carries on from the first Annabelle movie and takes place a year after those events. It really makes me want to travel for a viewing! Wilson and Farmiga are known for their roles by now but McKenna Grace as Judy, Madison Iseman as the babysitter and Katie Sarife as Daniela all had a role to play. Judy was a really good character. She was truly aware of what her parents did for a living and still came out of her room. Barely though, she had to play a troubled young girl, bullied at school because of what her parents did and also seen the dead herself. She knew the rules but at times, also knew the score on how to deal with things. Each girl comes into their own and braves up to the fact that they are the only ones who can stop all of this going on.
There were enough jump scares to keep the average horror fan happy and it was another build-up to The Conjuring 3 next year. What I don't want is for them to take these side characters and churn out another weak option like The Nun and maybe they need to stick to the cases that are actually documented on record as they seem to always be a winner.