Hey, McGregor! Had a girlfriend once, she was cross-eyed. Didn't work out. We could never see eye to eye! (Jungle Cruise 2021)

 291.

Jungle Cruise

7/10

Just as Pirates of the Caribbean began, Disney has decided to make a movie based around one of their rides in their theme parks. Jungle Cruise as a ride has been going for years and is a very simple concept. A bunch of park guests head onto a boat with a cocky skipper, go around a track hidden under a river whilst checking out some animal models and waterfalls. The Skipper is full of puns, as in every single word is a joke and as the night draws on, the jokes get a little more adult. I've only ever ridden the ride a couple of times but it's a good laugh and has to be taken with good humour as you may be addressed. To hear that the movie was being announced, it was safe to say I was a little puzzled. Once the cast began to come out, it got a little more interesting. Dwayne Johnson will be our Skipper as Emily Blunt and Jack Whitehall join us for the ride. Let's test the waters.

The storyline had to be unique and obviously, nothing the ride itself could offer as that is just a safari. We get a little history firstly as a few conquistadors who had set out for the tree in the 1500s only to be bested by the jungle and saved by a tribe who had sworn to protect the tree. They were saved by the tears of the moon but when the chief refused to reveal the location, they killed everyone but not before being cursed. They were subject to being immortal but not being able to be out of sight from the river. The movie begins with Blunt as Lily with her brother MacGregor, as they try to gain interest in funding for an expedition to find the Tears of the Moon. The petals of this tree can cure countless lives but they aren't the only ones on the search. They are denied, which the duo expected but there was an ulterior motive. Lily was in the museum to steal an arrowhead which along with the map should help with the location of the tree. Narrowly avoiding a fellow named Prince Joachim, who is after the same price, she escapes through a window and the journey begins. Onwards to the Amazon, the duo now needs a boat and navigator for the rivers. By this time we have already been introduced to Frank Wolff played by Dwayne Johnson. The next few minutes are all nostalgia from the ride as the puns and 'backside of water' are mentioned and I remember sitting forward to give a nod to my friends as I had already brought the subject of the ride to their attention. He has set up most of his 'scares' and 'highlights' within his Jungle Cruise whilst also being in debt with a local pier owner. He gets his engine repossessed before looking to steal it back and posing as the wealthy, respected pier owner to take the job that Lily has to offer.

 After another narrow miss from the Prince and his submarine, our trio is now on their way. In Frank's cabin, Lily finds the same map that she is carrying, along with many others and sketches of the arrowhead. She accuses Frank of seeking the tree too but he is adamant that he gave up a long time ago. They are then set upon by a tribe but it isn't long before they reveal that Frank hired them and everyone is set free. 

The tribe chief helps Lily translate the cravings on the arrowhead which reveals the location of the tree and the fact that it only blooms on a blood moon. Switching to the Prince, he has tracked down the Conquistadors and given them a sight of the river once again, bringing their statues back to life. They have now succumbed to the elements of the jungle as one is made mostly out of snakes, another out of bees and honey, another of mud and so on. They are hired to track down Frank and his crew, retrieve the arrowhead and Prince Joachim will set them free. They quickly set about their task and attack the tribe's village. Lily and MacGregor escape but not before witnessing Frank get stabbed by Don Aguirre, the leader of the pack and seemingly fall to his death from a very tall tree. 

To the sibling's amazement, they find Frank washed up and very much alive, even though he still has a sword through his chest. Then we learn about his history. He was actually one of the Conquistadors. Don Aguirre's best friend to be exact and when helping his friend try to find the tears of the moon, learnt that they may not have been as close as they thought. As Don Agguire slaughtered the village, Frank stepped in to try and stop. He also got caught up in the curse, hence why he now gives river tours. He has never seen the world away from the river and has pictures of buildings and cars that have come with time in a world he's never experienced. Lily is a little more appreciative of the actions of Frank now and the pair agree to go on together with MacGregor a little worse for wear. 

As Lily risks her life to open the secret entrance, the pair find that Prince Joachim had already captured MacGregor and been led to the same place as our trios now become prisoners, we are led inside and to everyone's astonishment, there the tree sits, nice and dead. It does though come alive once Frank and Lily once again work together to solve a riddle. The moon hits the branches and petals form, each one a cure for seemingly everything. 

One last hoax from our trio though as Lily agrees to shoot Frank for a petal, knowing he can't die and as he enters the water, he comes back to his boat to fight the conquistador's now in attendance. There is only one way out of this fight as Lily runs the branches for a petal she is followed by the Prince and Frank is overrun by his old companions. He is going to run his boat directly into the cave's wall to stop the flow of the river. This will stop the ghostly cursed gang but will also mean that he is sacrificing himself so that the siblings can get away. As per normality, absolutely any plan made by Dwayne Johnson's characters works. The Prince is killed comically before the siblings and Frank's cat find him attached to the wall and made of stone. With the one petal that Lily has, he puts it into Franks coincidental open mouth and nothing happens. Until they walk down some steps, the inevitable happens and Frank breaks free from his statue-like state. There was no doubt to me that this was going to happen, that Lily and Frank would embrace with a kiss and the movie ending now that Frank is free from the river's curse, with the two heading to London. MacGregor is back in the museum to let everyone know they will have no part of his discovery, whilst Lily is teaching Frank to dive a car in our last effort for a giggle.

It was very interesting that Disney chose the Jungle Cruise ride to base a movie around, considering the ride doesn't have a story. With success from their Pirate movies, I guess they can aim to make anything work. The Pirates ride now has Johnny Depp's character scattered around the place so I wonder if this will happen with Jungle Cruise. Heading back to the movie though, it was 100% enjoyable. Nothing more than a popcorn movie and nothing to set the world alight. It brought fun, laughter and a little freshness to a world where Disney keep spoiling childhoods with live-action remakes. Quite an interesting concept for a storyline, which tied together with a couple of villains and twists to keep the waters a little less calm. Maybe the ending was a little too predictable, which is never really new for Disney, the mid-story twist regarding Frank's character did keep the audience on their toes. A good storyline for those younger Disney fans as it didn't stay too 'cute', the jokes hit at different age groups and the movie also contained some decent action scenes. 

Dwayne Johnson played Dwayne Johnson very well. That isn't a typo. We've honestly come to expect ok to great roles from him and this was middle of the road. Looking like he'd just finished another level of Jumanji, the one stand out feature of him in this one was how well he could carry the one-liners that the ride for me is famous for. Brought together with some comradery of Emily Blunt and Jack Whitehall's character the three complemented each other immensely onscreen. Blunt played the strong and independent female, held up by society. Whitehall the gay character, is thrown out by society for being who he is with only his sister understanding. Maybe they were a little too on the nose to keep up with today's PC world on ticking boxes in movies now but as already mentioned, every single character worked to help the storyline.

As a mixture of something that felt like a Jumanji movie possibly crossed with the colouring of Pirates of the Caribbean. Jungle Cruise will be a good movie to enjoy for audiences of most ages. Hopefully, Disney doesn't take the success of this movie for a reason to milk it for more than it is. The story came to a nice ending and all answers were tied up in a couple of hours of viewing. We do though know what Disney are like and any sniff of the dollar bills and suddenly we have a franchise on our hands that no one asked for. Please don't rock the boat.

Before I was an Avenger, I made mistakes... and a lot of enemies (Black Widow 2021)

 290.

Black Widow

8.5/10

Covid has hit cinemas and movies hard with delays galore to the big hitters that were expected on the screen. A prime example of this would be Black Widow. Scarlett Johansson is reprising her role after her fate from Avengers: Endgame to give us an origin story and a movie based after Civil War and before Avengers: Infinity War. A bit of a star-studded cast come together for this one as Johanson is joined on screen by Rachel Weisz, Florence Pugh, David Harbour and Ray Winstone. The movie came out in the cinema as well as releasing on Disney+ at the same time, which is a little strange in my book. Although you did have to pay extra on the streaming service to watch the movie. Johansson raised a lawsuit regarding this as she believed it hindered people heading to the cinema and cut how much money she was going to receive as a bonus. This has since been settled for a decent wedge of money. Let's get into the movie and see what past Natasha Romanov has to deal with.

The movie begins in 1995 in Ohio where Alexei, played by Harbour and Black Widow Melana, played by Weisz, have set up a Russian undercover operation posing as parents of Natasha and Yelena. 

They steal S.H.I.E.L.D. intel and escape to Cuba to meet their boss Dreykov, played by Winstone. The two young girls are drugged and taken away to the Red Room for training whilst they witness their 'mother' being taken away as she was shot during their escape. The next few years are shown in a montage for the opening credits along with a great rendition of Nirvana's 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'. 

The main segment of the movie starts with Natasha as we recognise her, staring into a mirror with a look of regret. It's 2016 and she is on the run and leaves a decoy trail for Thaddeus Ross to find as she is now in Norway. Alexei is in jail in the middle of nowhere and Yelena is now a Widow herself. We are sent to her scene as she has a sniper on a rooftop, keeping an eye on a defected widow before chasing her through the streets and stabbing her. Just as the blade enters, the older widow releases a red gas in Yelena's face which seems to wake her senses. She realises that she has her free will back and digs a tracker out of her leg after being instructed to release the other widows. She sends the remaining vials of gas to Natasha, hoping the Avengers can release the other women. Natasha is driving around Norway, unknowingly that within her mail are the vials. She is targeted by a henchman from the Red Room and a character that we knew was going to be in the movie, Taskmaster. Now my knowledge of Taskmaster is quite low and only comes from the Spiderman computer games. He is a character that focuses on his enemies and mimics their every move to beat them in combat. Well, this time Taskmaster blows Natasha's car up and incapacitates her whilst trying to get the vials. Natasha finally twigs that it's not her that Taskmaster wants, steals the vials herself and get booted off the bridge. She realises that the mail came from Budapest and there is an old picture of her and Yelena attached to them. Budapest will be the next stop.

In Budapest, Nastash arrives at her old safe house from her and Clint Barton's 'Budapest' mission that we hear so much of. The two sisters start a fight after not seeing each other for years. Before having to team up as the Red Room move in on them. Yelena sent the vials out so that they wouldn't be grabbed by the Soviets but they have found their way back to her displeasure. They manage to escape several widows and the Taskmaster again whilst Natasha also witnesses how the Widows are treated as one break their legs and is forced into suicide by Dreykov. As they hide, we also find out a little history of the 'Budapest' job. Natasha had planted bombs within Dreykov's building and used his daughter as collateral in the explosion, presuming she had killed them both. Yelena corrects her as she knows Dreykov is still alive. 

The sisters are supplied with a helicopter as they both agree on one last mission. That mission is to bring down the Red Room but they have no idea where it is. They fancy breaking Alexei out of jail to help them on their pursuit. Problem is, this washed-up super-soldier has no idea. Dreykov imprisoned him and now with a huge beard and a few extra pounds, he's ready for a bit of revenge.

 He leads them to Melina, who played the girl's mother and they are shocked to find out she is alive and still working for the Red Room. She is running a farm just in the wilderness of Russia and using mind control on pigs, which will be used on the Widows in good time. They try to convince her to reveal where the Red Room is, as the Widows are always drugged on the journey. Melina has already alerted the Red Room though and the lads are on the way. They are taken down and moved up to the Red Room which is floating in the clouds using huge turbine engines.

Within the Red Room, Alexei and Natasha are locked up whilst Yelena is strapped down for dissection and a little look into how the gas works to stop the control of her mind. In Dreykov's office, Melina is in combat gear and sits with Dreykov as Taskmaster looks on. All is not as it seems though as Dreykov recognises the eyes and knows it's Natasha. He takes off her disguise and asks Taskmaster not to interfere as questions are asked. We then get a flashback as Melina and Natasha come up with the plan and Melina, in the cells, frees herself and Alexei before heading onto her plan of bringing down the engines. Back in the office, Natasha tries to shoot Dreykov but can't pull the trigger. Taunting her about the history of her mother, he lets her try her knife but again cannot bring herself to end the attack. It's all down to the fact that there are pheromones in the air which, when inhaled, stop any attempt on Dreykov's life. He orders Taskmaster to take off their helmet and it's revealed that it is actually his daughter. Little twist there for the audience and Natasha. Now it's time for Dreykov to reveal his plan of world domination from the shadows and once he is done, Natasha gives a thank you and smashes her head into the table. Strange but clever. We get another flashback to a discussion with Melina who reveals about the pheromones and she is now breaking her own nose to stop the cycle through her body. She can then attack him, sneakily stealing his ring to have access to the desk that controls all of the widows and their missions, downloading all the information ready to send to S.H.I.E.L.D. and now it's time to escape. Unfortunately, Dreykov has alerted the remaining widows on board. Putting up a good fight as the station goes down under its own weight, Natasha is saved by a returning Yelena who had escaped her own problems. She throws the remaining vials above the fight and the widows finally become self-aware. 

Now the race is on to escape before the station hits the ground. Melina and Alexei have an aircraft but so does Dreykov and his men. Yelena isn't ready to let him escape and throws her weapon into the engine of his craft, willing to sacrifice herself in the explosion. Somehow she comes out unscathed but falls unconscious through the clouds. Natasha follows her with a parachute and attaches it to her back just in time as Taskmaster is flying in their direction. Tangling together, Natasha and Taskmaster hit the deck for one last battle and Natasha manages to wrestle the helmet off and find another vial casually laying about, finally releasing the girl from her father's orders. In the distance, we see Ross and many agents travelling to arrest Natasha and her family, with them ready to stand together. Natasha isn't ready for this and as the remaining Widows land a craft, the family embrace before seeing their final goodbyes, unknown to them. They also take Taskmaster, with no one left behind.

The movie ends with Natasha finally getting her hands on the Quinjet, now with a new haircut, the one we see in Infinity War, she is ready to break her friends out of prison. There is also a post-credit scene, which takes place later, after the events of Endgame. Yelena is at Natasha grave, giving their childhood whistle and remembering her sister. Valentina Allegra de Fontaine steps beside her and Yelena isn't impressed. We have already seen Valentina in The Falcon and The Winter Soldier as she recruits the 'Wish' version of Captain America. She gives Yelena a new assignment, one to kill the killer of her sister. The picture she gets handed is of Clint Barton and I can imagine this is gearing up for possible involvement in the new TV series on Disney+. I wonder if she will listen to the truth.

I really enjoyed this movie a lot more than I thought I would. I'm not sure if that is because I went in thinking that this movie wasn't needed and it was nothing more than a money-spinner but the fact that it didn't feel too much like an MCU movie helped. From the first credits, there seemed to be a darker undertone to the movie and it felt more like an espionage movie than a superhero one, which again was a pleasant surprise. There'll be plenty of MCU fanboys out there who will put this near the bottom of their list because it doesn't come with the Disney sparkles and fancy happiness and I'm more than fine with that, each to their own. At least this isn't a rehash of the Lion King like Black Panther is or ending up with some poor sequels that Iron Man decided to get into. This storyline was very well constructed, answered some outstanding references from earlier Marvel movies and to some extent, gave closure to Natasha's story as a whole.

We know exactly what we get with Scarlett as Black Widow so there isn't too much extra to explain. We got some of the usual sassiness, we got serious and we got some great action scenes. For me, the stand out has to be the performance from Florence Pugh. Yelena was instantly represented as Natasha's sister. Her sassy personality but also a little more damaged. The humour was mostly carried from Yelena but because she was an Eastern European character, the seriousness that came with the jokes only made the scenes a lot more enjoyable. We then see the ultrahard exterior break and once again Pugh carries the role with the top draw quality that I had seen whilst watching 'Fighting with My Family'. I'm looking forward to seeing her reprise the role. Even is the accent was a little sketchy. Thankfully though, the accent wasn't anywhere near as bad as Ray Winstone's portrayal. Dreykov was an interesting fellow and Winstone knows how to play a tough guy but the accent was a little out of reach for him, especially when required to shout as his English accent was slipping back into play. Back to the good side though and the rest of the family played by Harbour and Weisz were very much needed. Their characters each had their own draws and definitely shared the limelight along with the sister. Some very good casting from all involved. 

I not only went back to the cinema to have a rewatch but once it came within the package of Disney+, it was on my screen at home. The Steelbook sits on the self with the rest of the MCU and I couldn't be happier. This will forever be a moment that I can happily admit I was wrong in wondering if this movie was going to be a waste of time. Was it needed for the MCU storyline, probably not, just the after-credits helped with that. This feels like a one-off, closure on a character that has been around from near enough day one and a final farewell that was deserved, rather than a splat at the bottom of a cliff. I've said it once and I'm happy to say it again but the fact that this didn't feel overwhelmingly like an MCU movie helped. I found myself singing Nirvana for a couple of days after thanks to the intro to this movie and I'll end up doing the same when I end to catching it again sometime... and now I'm humming it again!

Great. We're going to get killed by murder Barbie (Freaky 2021)

 289.

Freaky

7/10

The initial vibes that I received from the trailer for this movie screamed 'Happy Death Day'. So to find out that we are getting some more work from the same director, Christopher Landon, came as little surprise. 'Happy Death Day' is a comedy horror that now has a sequel, which I'm yet to watch but this movie looks like it could be a bit more fun within the horror genre. Vince Vaughn is on board who we know from any comedy ever starring alongside Owen Wilson but this time he's cast with some high school girls as we embark on a bit of a slasher but all accounts. The second familiar face comes in the form of Kathryn Newton, who I wouldn't have gotten the name without a quick look on IMDB but I've seen her star in Pokemon: Detective Pikachu, which wasn't half bad. Not too much was left to the imagination after the trailer. We already know that both of our main characters are going to be switching bodies and we have Vaughn as a killer, whose mind is switched into the mind of a girl. How they change back, who knows. Let's get Freaky. 

The movie starts as many horrors do. We have a group of teenagers, drinking whilst parents are out of town and discussing some urban legends. The main one that comes up is the Blissfield Butcher. As expected, the Butcher makes an appearance and slaughters the lot of them, stealing an Aztec knife on how way through, called La Dola. I can only imagine this scene was set up to show the brutality of the killer but also focused highly on this knife.

The next day we meet our other lead characters. Millie isn't exactly popular in school and as she attends a high school football game as the mascot, she is the last to stick around as she waits for a lift home by her mother. This won't be happening as mother has folded like the best of us and had a few too many. Out of the misty hedges comes the Butcher with his brand new knife, ready for another attack. He stabs Millie in the shoulder but a wound opens up on his own shoulder in doing so. Millie's older sister, who is also a cop, arrives to scare the Butcher away and collects the knife as evidence, radioing in for a manhunt in the process.

The next morning, the two leads find out that they have switched bodies. They both head into school for different reasons and the Butcher, now in Millie's body ends up killing Millie's bully by locking her in a cryo tank, whilst also slicing her woodshop teacher in half with the table saw. 

The killings, as strange as it sounds, simply adds to the sub-genre of comedy-horror. The Butcher realises he has some sort of immunity from suspicion whilst he is in this body. On the other hand, Millie is walking around in the Butcher's body trying to track down her friends and performing the school mascot's dance to prove who she really is. Nyla and Josh, the friends, help Millie to research the knife, revealing that Millie needs to stab The Butcher by midnight or the switch will be permanent. 

With the homecoming dance cancelled, The Butcher decides that they should hold another party in the Old Mill, which is also his hideout. Bare in mind now, that Millie who is the Butcher, was never popular anyway is now followed with her new confidence. In the meantime, The Butcher lures Millie's actual crush to a horror minigolf game to kill him but our trio of teenagers, in body and mind in the case of Millie, manage to save Booker, the crush and knock both him and the actual Butcher unconscious, taking them both back to Josh's house. They try to convince Booker about the mind swap but he isn't buying it until Millie recites a poem that she wrote to him weeks earlier. It's a little weird but funny watching Vince Vaughn deliver the lines but it'll get a little weirder before the end. Josh watches over The actual Butcher whilst the other three head to the police station to retrieve the knife before midnight. Of course, the last officer in the station would be Millie's sister, the story wouldn't happen any other way. Out in the car, Millie and Booker are talking and Booker reveals that he has always liked her. Millie divulges the fact of her newfound confidence and they both kiss. Told you it would get a little weirder. The sister is tricked to leave the station, only to return and catch Nyla stealing the knife. After trying to explain, we have another character how doesn't understand what is happening and in the meantime, the Butcher has escaped from Josh's. Millie sees him enter the police station and the sister is now in trouble. Millie enters the station but being in The Butcher's actual body, the sister doesn't ask questions and tries to detain the fully grown man. Millie overpowers her, looks her in a cell and follows the Butcher who has escaped in a police car. 

He's made it to the mill and kills three jocks who try to rape her as well as a fourth who tried to move in on Josh. Everyone now arrives, including the cops but the trio of friends hold down the Butcher in Millie's body and she stabs him just in time for the police to shoot him down. Millie and Booker finally unite in the right bodies and kiss. 

I was expecting the movie to finish but no, we are going to get another scene. The Butcher has killed the ambulance and police crew and follows Millie home. He attacks her, her sister and her mother whilst making fun of her weakness and anxiety. Millie has had a hell of a night though and has changed. She impales him with a broken table leg and now, the credits are ready to roll. 

Just as I felt after 'Happy Death Day', the movie was quite enjoyable. Growing up, the sub-genre of horror-comedy was mostly filled with parodies like the 'Scary Movie' franchise. After seeing the first couple, they got a little tiresome. There is now a little twist to the genre and some new ideas rather than ripping off famous scenes. Giving a glimpse of something like 'Freaky Friday' where a mother and daughter switched bodies, this movie was definitely an interesting concept. Success in the storyline and movie is only as good as its cast being able to nail the presentation. 

Moving on to the cast, Vince Vaughn's role in this movie cannot be understated in any way, he was the main reason that this worked so well. I've not managed to catch a movie where he is any sort of villainous role and this guy is a bit of a giant in stature so it's surprising there hasn't been a lot. The movie didn't have him too much in this role though, mostly at the beginning, hidden in the dark and then a few minutes towards the end. The biggest part and most surprising was how well he pulled off a  teenage girl's mannerisms. Between prancing about screaming every so often, he was quite convincing. This can then switch to Kathryn Newton in the role of Millie. Starting the movie as an outcast, once the confidence of a killer sets in, so did her role. The confidence in body language and dialogue means that Newton needs to deliver on two different characters and smashes both out of the park.

A bit of a laugh, a bit of horror and a movie that really isn't too bad to have a watch and chill out to. I can imagine it'll hit a streaming service a little further down the line and will be popular for a while but it isn't going to win any awards. In trying to nitpick the movie, yes some of the other cast member's acting was a little sketchy, yes there was a touch of predictability about the movie but that was always going to be the case in this sub-genre which should never be taken too seriously. The killings and over the top gore only added to this point but at the same time, once again, made it more enjoyable. A popcorn movie to enjoy whilst you leave your brain at the door. If you enjoyed other movies recently of the genre, give this one a go.

When God builds a church, the Devil builds a chapel nextdoor (The Unholy 2021)

 288.

The Unholy

5/10

Another horror movie to add to the list and not one that is attached to any sort of franchise. The trailer looked nothing short of interesting, as many horror trailers do. Jeffrey Dean Morgan plays our leading actor, fresh from the highly successful role in The Walking Dead. In this movie, he'll be playing a disgraced journalist and after faking news stories, needs to build his reputation again. The movie gives the directorial debut of Evan Spiliotopoulos. Evan is an interesting one as the only things he's worked on of note in his career so far are Disney sequels such as The Jungle Book 2 and also worked on the live-action Beauty and the Beast. Let's find out if he took his chance to make something great, or something truly unholy. 

The film begins in the 1800s' as a young girl is killed for witchcraft. Hanging from a tree, she is set alight after a mask is nailed to her face and her spirit is bound to a doll. There's always a doll. Many years later, Morgan's character is sent to Boston to report on a strange happening, which turns out to be nothing but a prank but he finds the doll and crushes it, releasing the spirit.

As he is set to leave, he is in a car accident after narrowly avoiding hitting a girl. He then follows said girl to the tree from the beginning and also the location where he crushed the doll. The girl utters a few words before collapsing. After taking the girl to the local church, we learn she is a dead-mute so the fact that she apparently spoke, can't be true. Gerry, played by Morgan, decides to stick around and find out the truth. 

The girl decides to wow the crowds as she claims she has been blessed by the Virgin Mary. The Catholic Church decides to send out their investigators for the case. There is now a media frenzy but the only person that the girl Alice will speak to is Gerry. 

He finds out that she has been talking to a presence called Mary and automatically thinks that she is holy. Things start to take a sinister turn as people start dying and Gerry has horrifying visions of Mary and her true nature. During his time there, he befriends the local physician to who he comes clean to about fabricating stories. Hoping this one will now bring his career back to the top, they both find information that the local vicar has discovered. It had cost him his life as Mary had killed him and shows who Mary actually is. The witch who was killed. She had sold her soul to Satan for eternal life and power. It turns out that the higher-ups in the church knew this and kept it a secret as it brought interest back to the church and with Gerry's reputation, no one would believe him anyway.

Alice is seemingly unaware of Mary's true nature wishes to hold a service live on TV by the tree and the Catholic investigator warns that this will become a Satanic ritual. Anyone who pledges themselves to her will be condemned to hell. Our trio tries to stop the event with a ritual in the church which Mary isn't a fan of. She ends up killing the Catholic investigator with a burning cross and now we are on to our endgame. 

Alice urges everyone to pledge themselves to Mary three times, reminding me of the famous Bloody Mary ritual in front of the mirror. Alice has been taken over by this presence so it takes the physician Natalie to communicate with her through sign language. Gerry has slowed the crowd down in the meantime. He's explaining that everything is just down to more hoaxes. Mary tries to sway Alice but now that Alice realises the true intent, she tells everyone that indeed the miracles weren't true. The tree suddenly bursts into flames as everyone tries to escape. Mary crawls out from behind as she heads for Gerry.

 Alice sacrifices herself to save Gerry and this act seems to have gone against what Mary is about. She disappears and it turns out that due to Alice being Mary's link to the world, she no longer has her vessel. Gerry is left in shock, begging God to bring Alice back to life. The wish is granted as Alice comes back but without her hearing or speech. Everyone that Alice and Mary cured relapse and in the aftermath of the movie, we zoom in on the statue of Mary within the church as it cries a tear of blood. 

This movie felt like a straight to DVD movie or maybe even a Friday night movie that you come across on TV. The movie had an interesting headway and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't great to be back in the cinema watching any kind of horror but this one won't be top of my list for a rewatch any time soon. The main possession-based storyline was not a shock to anyone because that was apparent from the beginning of the movie. It was all about watching how that played out. To see the side story of the church actually knowing the true events and their dark motives to profit from the event was the part that I didn't see coming. It added a little spice to an otherwise common horror movie. 

The cast for me was a few recognisable faces with one name that I could pick out from the trailer alone. Jeffery Dean Morgan is hot property since The Walking Dead and is my pick to play Thomas Wayne as Batman in any Flash Point movie, but it'll never happen. Playing a washed-up journalist and downright grump seems to be effortless for this guy as he is one of the redeeming parts of the movie. William Sadler, one of the inmates in Shawshank Redemption and Cary Elwes, one of the chained up gents in Saw were the only other faces that were recognisable to me. The rest of the cast was new but I can't have any complaints about them. The acting all around was at a decent level thankfully. Too many times have I come across a new cast in horror movies that we never hear from again and the talent was at a minimum. 

I had no idea that this was based on a classic novel, written by James Herbert, I really hope that the guy enjoyed seeing his work come on to the big screen. A lot of the time we know that things change too much and the author sometimes resents allow it to be done. A famous case of this would be Stephen King and his views on 'The Shining'. More redeeming features for me would be the CGI in the movie as some mediocre storytelling and following the horror blueprint was salvaged by clever scene work, special effects and even the overall look of the demon. Too many times do we only see some fingers rather than the whole horror of what the audience has been sitting in anticipation for. Through October, I have been watching horror movies, some new and some re-watches and if this movie pops up on a streaming app then maybe just maybe will I watch it again. Until that moment, it, unfortunately, won't be one that I go out of my way to purchase or view in the near future.

I think I hurt someone (The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It 2021)

287.

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It

6.5/10

My Favourite horror franchise of recent years is coming to a climax with a third instalment of The Conjuring series. Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga reprise the roles that they were made for as the Warrens. This time, it seems that the story is a little different from the others. The first two movies investigated a possession in its moment of happening. The third movie will be about the married couple proving that a murder happened because the gent in question was possessed at the time. The Conjuring Universe, as they call it, has been very much hit and miss. Movies like The Nun and an Annabelle movie or two are very weak instalments and whenever the Warrens come back to the big screen, my confidence in the franchise comes back. Let's find out if this can get us back on track. James Wan is back as a producer so hopefully so.

Without going too deep and descriptive to the story, it is based on true events yet again. This time a young gent named Arne is on trial in Connecticut for murder. Taking place in 1981, Arne has killed his landlord and it's up to the Warrens to prove that he was taken over by an evil spirit. The movie actually begins with the Warrens exorcising a possessed child until Arne, who is dating the child's sister, begs the spirit to take him instead. 

The beginning started strong, every strong and the exorcising scene was creepy, intense and very much appreciated by myself. From here, we watch the downfall of Arne as the Warrens are then brought onto the case. Our main characters are getting on now, but this time, there is a different kind of villain. As we explore the case, we find out that the family involved were cursed by a female who has turned to the dark arts. It is down to the Warrens to track this girl down, who is being protected by an unlikely character, all before Arne is totally consumed by the spirit. The story obviously ends with the conviction of murder being overturned and manslaughter being the charge due to demonic possession. 

The story for me is a little disappointing. Whereas the other Conjuring movies build the tension throughout and end up with a climactic encounter with a possessed individual, this movie starts strong with an exorcism and then slows down through court cases, chases and not much horror at all. It actually hurts to write that as I had a lot of confidence that this would add to my admiration for the franchise. As the opening scene played out, I didn't doubt a thing but the storyline was at least interesting. That is always the case when it revolves around true events. I needed jump scares, I needed a lot more horror but this one was the weakest out of the trio, that's for sure.

Something you can never fault in the franchise though are Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga. The roles that these two were made to play, Farmiga has her younger sister in the franchise now and Wilson stars in the Insidious franchise. Once again a strong showing from the two. Adding Ruairi O'Conner to the fold as Arne gave us a third main character this time around. Watching the events unfold, Arne turning into the demon and then finally claiming his innocence, it was a really well-played character from O'conner. 

As the Warren characters seemed quite aged in this movie, I'm not too sure whether we are going to be seeing another movie. I really hope we do as not only would I like redemption for this movie but they need one last hoorah. James Wan needs to get back on the case and take the helm to give us one last outing As also, it is worth checking into the true events that the movie is based on and I really wanted to find out where Arne is now. Apparently, he's nowhere to be seen but rumour has it he got a labouring job and he's living his life somewhere. I wonder what he thought about this movie. 

I'm just getting started, Darling (Cruella 2021)

286.

Cruella

7/10

Disney has had more misses than hits when it comes to their live-action movies and those are mainly because they have used their classics and simply tarnished people's childhoods. This live-action is a little different. We are going to get an origin story about the villain from 101 Dalmations, Cruella De Vil. We got some live action 101 Dalmations many years ago, back in 1996 thanks to Disney. That movie followed the traditional storyline from the animation back in 1961. This time we are going to get something fresher, possibly something no one asked for but all the same, it isn't going to simply be a live-action remake that they've just been churning out. Our first live-action Cruella was played by Glenn Close who will be serving as the executive producer on this one as Emma Stone takes up the mantle and brings the character back to life. 

The storyline starts in Estella's early years being a trouble maker in school with her natural black and white, highly noticeable hair. She is pulled from school by her mother and the plan is to move to London. On the way, her mother stops at a wealthy woman's house to ask for some financial assistance but Estella's curiosity gets the better of her and she sneaks into the party. She is chased by a group of Dalmations until she makes it outside but the dogs overtake her and end up pushing her mother to her death over a cliff. She blames no one but herself. Estella is left alone, meeting some kids in London and moving in with them as a trio of orphans and their dog.

Some ten years later, the trio of Estella, Jasper and Horace are stealing to make ends meet but this isn't going to be Estella's final role as she is giving a job acceptance from the lads as a birthday treat. She is going to be working in the Liberty Department Store as a cleaner, getting her foot into the fashion door. To keep a low profile, she dyes her hair red. From this point on, we watch her desperation to get a promotion but is constantly knocked back. One night she gets very drunk and wrecks one of the store's display windows but before she is fired, a renowned designer called the Baroness gives her a job. 

Once gaining her confidence and the confidence of the Baroness, she works closer to her until she releases that this woman is wearing the same necklace that her mother wore. She claims that an employee once stole it from her but now she finally has it back. This is the moment we are introduced to Cruella. To shake the fashion world. Cruella announces herself at another of the Baroness' parties, which is a black and white ball, with Cruella arriving wearing red. We've already seen the plans for a plot to steal the necklace which ends up having a few issues and Baroness uses a dog whistle to bring on the dalmations. It finally draws on Estella that this whistle was used to kill her mother and she wasn't at fault after all. Clearly, this is doing nothing to help with her mental health as Cruella start to take over. Every so often, Cruella would show up to ruin or upstage events, depending on which side of the coin you're on and take the headlines from the Baroness.

 Anita is the journalist reporting the headlines, a friend of Estella's from school and after knowing this, Cruella pays her a visit to give some extra scoop. Just before the spring collection reveal, Estella is nowhere to be seen, the Baroness' collection is ruined by moths and a party just outside to reveal Cruella's collection is revealed. The Baroness now releases that Estella and Cruella are one of the same and has Jasper and Horace arrested, tracks down the hiding place, ties up Estella/Cruella and burns the place to the ground. Believing that she is dead and has won, she takes the higher ground and prepares a gala in Cruella's honour. Little does she know that her butler has actually saved Cruella and is about to drop a bombshell. The necklace she was after is actually a key to Estella's birth certificates and the truth. The truth is that the baroness is her biological mother. Mark Strong plays this gent and was ordered to kill the baby so that the Baroness could focus on her career and the wealth she was left after the death of her husband. John, the butler, instead gave the baby to a maid who raised Estella in secret. This angers Cruella at the deceit shown but comes to terms with that side of things. She is now focused on payback.

After breaking the lads out of jail, recruiting a few more, she's got big plans for the gala. She sends outfits and wigs to all gala attendees, so that they look like Cruella, much to the annoyance of the Baroness of course. This way it will be hard to track the real Cruella amongst the crowd. The baroness is led outside where Estella is standing on the edge of that infamous cliff. With her red hair shining, she explains to the baroness that she is her abandoned daughter and after pretending to show remorse and leaning in for a hug, the baroness pushes Estella off the cliff. Not knowing that the party have been led outside to act as witnesses, Baroness is arrested and Estella has survived due to a parachute in her dress as the action on that cliff had been anticipated. She changes back to Cruella just in time to witness the arrest and her triumph. After accepting the last name De Vil, taken from her car a Panther De Ville, she inherits the Hellman Hall as her biological heir and shortens it to Hell Hall. With the trio and their butler asking what's next, the screen fades to black. The movie actually gives us a mid-credits scene where Anita and Rodger, who was the Baroness' abused lawyer, receive a puppy each from Cruella. We all know what comes next. Roger is now working as a songwriter and the credits begin with the famous Cruella De Vil tune. 

The movie will go down as one of the enjoyable ones. I'm not sure if it's because it felt fresh and original to an extent or just because of that soundtrack. When Disney announce any live-action remakes, my skin crawls to what they would be ruining next. This time though, there was originality to the story. Of course, it was characters we have met before but also an angle that we didn't really know that we needed. Containing twists and turns are a sure way of getting an audience to focus on the movie rather than their phones and I don't doubt this story did that. If Disney decides to go down the route of creating the origins of other Disney Villains, I can find myself getting on board with that journey very quickly.

Emma Stone felt as if she had been waiting for this character all of her career. I was very impressed with her villainous side as previously she had been Gwen Stacey in The Amazing Spiderman and held comedic roles through some well-known movies and some lessers. Switching between Estella and Cruella wouldn't have been an easy feat and both characters held up and seemed fun to portray. Emma Thompson also stars as the Baroness, a character from the outset that is hard to like, all done with the work of Thompson making it so. I can't remember one cast member in the movie that I was disappointed with.

At times the movie was dark and gritty and at others, colourful and fun, only when the perfect times called for each. For me, the absolute star of the show was the soundtrack. Just like with Guardians of the Galaxy in the MCU, this movie was taken a step above due to the music added to the scenes. As the movie was based in the 1970's the punk rock movement was definitely apparent throughout and I ended up downloading the soundtrack onto my Spotify. Going into this movie not expecting the best really helped raise the enjoyment level and if I'm to sit and try to criticise something, I would be doing it for the sake of adding content. Of course, it won't be up there for Disney movies but it was much better than anticipated. The target audience would be a little higher than those watching 101 Dalmations and I'm ok with that. I know there's a sequel coming so I wonder where we will go with that. Will it lead to another 101 Dalmations?

Get over here! (Mortal Kombat 2021)

285.

Mortal Combat

5/10

The cinema is back! The overpriced hot dog with cheese and large orange drink is a purchase being made and I wouldn't have it any other way. I didn't expect my first visit back to be Mortal Combat but at the same time, I didn't expect my local cinema to open back up. Surprises everywhere. It has been years since I have seen the original movie adaptations of the famous Mortal Kombat games and I can wager they would be movies that wouldn't hold up with time. Therefore someone else is going to have a crack at success. This time it's Simon McQuoid making his directorial debut. I expect a darker concept with this movie but there is only one way to find out. 

So if you are totally unaware of what the storyline is regarding, I'll give you a quick bit of background.  The movie usually focuses on fighters from Earth or Earthrealm who have unknowingly been chosen to fight for the safety of Earth in a tournament against fighters from Outworld. Now usually they are transported and a fighting tournament takes place and we get a winner from Earth. Everyone is happy, people kiss and we all go home. This storyline takes a different approach, starting in the 17th century Japan as two characters, who will later become Sub-Zero and Scorpion, battle it out in the woods. Scorpian is killed whilst defending his family and Sub-Zero vanishes, thinking the job is done. This isn't the truth though as Scorpian's daughter is hidden below the house's floorboards and the God of Thunder Raiden retrieves the little one and take the bloodline to safety. To the present day, the Outworld has defeated Earthrealm in 9 out of the last 10 tournaments, with one more meaning they can conquer Earth. Shang Tsung has led these wins and isn't planning on losing the next, instead, he wants to cheat to ensure victory and that the path this movie then leads. It isn't much much going to centre around this fighting tournament but this hatched up plan taking place. He plans on killing the Earth's fighters before they even get a chance at defending themselves.

We are then introduced to a new character named Cole Young. A former professional fighter, he has a dragon mark, which is stamped onto all fighters for the Mortal Kombat.

 As he and his family are set upon by Sub-zero, they are saved by Jax and told to track down Sonya Blade. Jax stays behind for the fight and loses his arms in the process. Now, these are two recognisable names. With Sonya Blade is Kano, another guy with the mark, which Sonya doesn't actually have and Kano is the highlight of this movie. A smart-arsed Australian with absolutely no filter, he quickly adds a comedic aspect to the movie. We are soon on the move again as the gang tracks down Raiden's hideout in the desert and their training begins. Jax has also been saved and attached to some metal arms, which anyone who knows Mortal Kombat, knew was coming. Two current Earthrealm champions will be training Cole, Kano and eventually Jax. They are looking down on Sonya as she is not a chosen fighter. Shang Tsung carries on with his plan and attacks the hidden temple but is stopped just in time by a massive force field.

 It is now time for the newcomers to step up. They must unlock a hidden potential called the arcana, which is unique to each of them and could be seen as a superpower. Kano finds his first, shooting lasers through his eye. Cole is the only one really struggling, he is sent back home to his family by a disappointed Raiden. Not long later, Shang Tsung has gathered his forces for an attack again but this time, they succeed. They do this by swaying Kano to join them, which wasn't too hard and now the team is being dismantled from within. As Cole is at home, Goru is sent to attack and seeing his family in trouble awakens his arcana, a suit of armour and some martial art weapons. He takes down Goru before and heads back to the temple to help the others. Shang and Sun-Zero find out about Cole's bloodline before Raiden teleports them to the safety of a place called the void. Cole plans on offering out Sub-Zero to try and start the tournament that they were preventing. Cole is given his ancestor's blade, which still has Scorpion's blood on the tip. Scorpion will be there fighting beside him in spirit. Elsewhere, Sonya has headed home to face Kano, killing him and taking his dragon stamp, releasing her own arcana and now becoming a protector of the Earthrealm. Sub-Zero finally abducts Cole's family to lure him into his own area, freezing them in the corner of a fighting cage. As Cole begins to lose the fight, he uses the blade and releases Scorpion as a vengeful spirit, killing Sub-Zero alongside his descendant and helping to free the family.

 Thanking Cole for freeing him and asking that he takes care of the bloodline, he disappears before anyone else arrives. Shang Tsung obviously vows revenge as Raiden banishes him and Raiden promises to train more champions as Cole heads to Hollywood to find Johnny Cage, another name that is known from the games.

I have to admit that the main enjoyment of this movie was the fact that the cinema was back open. Being back to watch the big screen after the last year is an experience and the excitement about it was always going to add to the occasion, no matter the movie. As per movies based on games, it was always going to be a struggle to get a storyline across when it was of the fighting genre and this one can just be grouped with the rest for me. It was interesting that the storyline didn't go down the route of the actual tournament and maybe, just as the movie, it almost got there. The movie tried to tell a lot over the short space of time that it was on and got a little rushed in places, a little predictable and ultimately a little boring. The story didn't contain enough of certain characters and too much of others. If you want to bring in the nostalgia for fans then surely you contain more of the first game's characters. I would have at least liked more off world setting and tournament feel that what I got.  

Leading me nicely into the cast, it's been a few weeks since I saw the movie and I honestly can't remember many faces. There was one stand out for me and that was Kano played by Josh Lawson. The bloke actually gave some laugh out loud moment for the audience which left a few of us still quoting the lines days later. Everyone else was forgettable in every way, even those considered the main characters. They were all ultra-impressive with the fight scenes but as these were not containing dialogue or did actually contain stunt doubles, you may not be able to classify that as their acting roles.

I have no idea whether this movie will have a sequel but signs may point to yes due to the mention of Johnny Cage as a character right at the end. If it does come out, I won't be scrambling to go and watch it. Due to restrictions, there have been much better movies that I haven't been able to see in the cinema this year so far. It's a popcorn movie in a way that you don't need to concentrate, just munch away and go along for the ride. If you enjoy the game and enjoyed the older movies then by all means, get this one under your belt but don't expect it to be a contender for anything else. 

Would you mind getting inside the oven to clean it? (The Visit 2015)

 284.

The Visit

6.5/10

Finally hitting another horror movie in my heading to the end of my movie alphabet list. Not too many movies left now this movie is grabbing my attention as the horror movies are heading back to the cinemas. M. Night Shyamalan has really been a hit or miss director and writer for me so it'll be interesting to find out whether this movie is just a forgettable as some of the others. What I am looking forward to is the fact that this movie is within the found-footage genre. Again, this genre isn't for everyone but I really like the sub-genre within horror. Interestingly, there seems to be another label added to the movie and that's some comedy. That's the part which is perking my interest. Let's visit the storyline and see how this turns out.

So the movie begins with a daughter interviewing her mother as she and her younger brother prepare to visit their grandparents that they have never met. From what I have seen, this looks like a perspective of the children through the use of their cameras. The first couple of days are fine, with a couple of weird exchanges between family members that haven't met before.

 Trying to guess what this movie is going to be about, I was thinking some sort of ritual goes on at night with neighbours, but how wrong was I. The kids start to play hide and seek under the house but things take a strange turn with some strange old woman laughing and all of a sudden the Grandmother is crawling after the Granddaughter like a demented monster. All of a sudden, as the kids scream, the old lady switches to normality and asks if they enjoyed it.

At night, there is constantly scratching noises and although the children have been asked not to come out of their rooms after 9 pm. One night they decide to have a look at the Grandmother is seen scratching a wall, another nights she is scuttling along the floor. Things are definitely pushing the kids to find some answers and with some hidden cameras, they start to see some other strange goings-on. They decide something has to be done when the camera catches their Grandmother walking into their room with a knife. They call their mother through Zoom and beg her to pick them up. The mother sees the old couple outside and instantly calls the police as these are not her parents.

 The young girl ends up finding her real Grandparents dead in the basement, hence why that was off-limits. Once the kids try to leave, the 'Grandparents' know that something is going on. 

They trap them inside with the use of board games. The end ends with the kids taking over and killing the two perpetrators who ended up being escaped, mental asylum patients. They head outside to sit in the grass and wait for their mother and the police to show. The movie ends with another interview of the mother explaining why she left home and never spoke to her parents again. She always knew it was a mistake and asks her own daughter to not hold resentment against her father for the fact that he left her and her brother.

As I already mentioned, movies coming from this director can be very hit or miss. I knew I was getting a horror but I didn't expect the small comedy aspects. I was very wrong with my guesses on how this story was going to play out and was surprised by how it turned out. Firstly I thought of a ritual cult and then I thought possibly something supernatural but it was actually quite refreshing to have such a 'normal' explanation. By normal I mean something that could happen in real life. 

Moving onto the cast, only one face was recognisable and that was the mother. Kathryn Hahn recently played Agatha Harkness on the Wandavision TV show. She isn't in this too much to judge whether her character was just as good. Looking at the youngsters, we have Olivia DeJonge and Ed Oxenbould playing the sister and brother duo, who although sometimes don't see eye to eye, gain the confidence to protect each other in the end. Both gave a very good portrayal but I am unsure how much success it brought them in previous years as I haven't personally seen them in anything else. Oxenbould in particular gave an interesting couple of hours acting as a germophobe. 

In true M. Night Shyamalan fashion, the twist is the biggest draw about this movie. It's not one you could watch again anytime soon as the surprise element is now lost. It would be interesting to watch it with someone new to the movie, just to see if they can guess what is coming or even their reaction to the reveal. At first, I felt like the movie would contain the horror aspect that I love but with a tiny bit of comedy and answers to each bump in the night, it was a totally different experience by the end.