B-A-B-Y Baby? (Baby Driver 2017)

116.

Baby Driver

 

 

 

 

9/10

 

 

I missed this as the Odeon Screen Unseen but was glad to find the time to be able to find a night to get to the cinema. I wasn't too fussed on this after the trailers and experience with recent films focused around driving so going into this movie, I wasn't expecting to be blown away but to simply add another number to my list. With a decent set of cast, some tunes and reviews from the lads as too how good the film was, I wonder whether I was going to be pleasantly surprised. Let's crank it up and see what's driving the fans wild.

The film begins with a red car pulling up opposite a bank with Buddy, played by Jon Hamm, Darling, played by Eiza Gonzalez and Griff, played by Jon Bernthal, getting out as the main robbers whilst the getaway driver, Baby Played by Ansel Elgort plays 'Bellbottoms' on his iPod. With the money grabbed, team back in the car, the music is blaring in Baby's ears whilst he speeds away from the police through the city. High speed, obstacles everywhere, we are swiftly moved between them and when two other red cars are spotted, Baby disguises his car between them and is able to trick the police and escape. In a parking lot, the team swaps cars and get away. Already I'm enjoying this more than any chase in the Fast and Furious creations. It's so clever, which is shown in the next scene when Baby goes to grab some coffee for the team. He's listening to a new song and as he walks down the street the lyrics are shown in signs, graffiti, posters and forms of media as they are sung on the track. Along with Baby moving along to the music himself. Back at the hideout the team meet with their employer, Doc, who is played by the great Kevin Spacey. With Griff being a bit of a knob, he explains that Baby had an accident when he was younger and he has tinnitus, so the music drowns out the humming in his ears. Griff tries to scare him with fists but Baby doesn't flinch once and although his sunglasses are stolen, he simply gets another pair from his jacket. Once parting ways, Buddy tells Baby not to answer Doc next time but Doc tells him to ignore that.

We see a bit more of Baby's personal life where he lives with a deaf paraplegic called Joseph who watches as Baby puts his cut of the money, with a lot more, hidden in the floorboards. They do a bit of sign language where Joseph knows that he's into some shady business. In his spare time, Baby takes recordings of people's conversations and remixes them onto tapes. One we see is labelled, MOM. Baby goes to a diner where he sees a young waitress called Debora, Lily James is the actress and she's singing a song which he recognises. She takes his order as he records her and the two have a back and fore before he asks the name of her song. He later buys it in a shop and dances around the room leading Joseph to work out that Baby has met a girl.

Doc picks Baby up for a new job and to meet his new team with the main guy played by Jamie Foxx. Bats, who he plays, learns that their target is an armoured truck but his eyes are fixed on Baby who he thinks isn't listening to the plan, just his music. Baby then recites the plan word for word but Bats still isn't convinced. For Baby and Doc, this will be their last job together because it settles a debt for them. Baby once stole Doc's car and the merchandise inside so expensive so he needed it all repaid. Later, on the job we see how useless this new team is because instead of Michael Myers Halloween masks, they have got Mike Myers as Austin Powers. Groovy baby. Before they get out, Baby needs to restart his song, showing how important timing is for him. Bats kills the guard and everyone fumbles back into the car to drive away only for a marine to try and ram them off the road whilst shooting through their windows. They get lodged under a lorry and Bats aims his gun at the marine but Baby stops him killing him by swerving the car and losing him altogether. At a parking garage, they separate where Baby travels with Bats and has to answer whether he made him miss the shot and no matter the answer, Bats knows the truth. He holds a gun to Baby's face and tells him not to catch feelings.

Baby returns to the diner to see his girl again where she has asked another worker about the boy. She finds out that his mother used to work at the same place so always visits for the memories. He goes to pick up his cut from Doc to see only two other members of the job made it back. Bats has killed for the mistake that the guns were left in the car before they swapped over. Doc has Baby get the car with the body in the boot crushed and then the whole job owing is over. Whilst it's getting crushed, he has a flash back of his childhood. His mother was a good singer and his father an alcoholic and as they argued whilst driving, they got in a fatal accident with one survivor, Baby. Because he needs a new job and only really knows driving, Baby takes the job as a pizza delivery guy, allowing him to start seeing Deborah properly. With his money, he takes her to a really expensive place that he heard Buddy and Darling talk about before, only to find out that bill had been paid for and looking up he sees Doc. These characters are never really out. Doc needs him for a job and if he doesn't accept, Deborah could get hurt. Accepting, he then takes her home and their first kiss happens. Doc takes Baby to a post office where he wants the next job to take place. He has Baby go in with his nephew to check the place out for the finer things of the job. Sam the nephew takes it all in instead and tells Baby what to tell Doc but before they leave they interact with a nice lady on the desk and he has a little bit of guilt already. This could be the turning point for him. Baby calls his girlfriend with a plan of driving away together and then has a black and white fantasy of her waiting for him by a car, ready to leave.

Despite how Doc works, he uses the same crew for the first time with Bats, Buddy and Darling already there as Baby rolls up and the team needs to meet an arms dealer to get guns for the main heist. On the way Bats goes into the shop whilst Buddy and Darling get it on in the back seat. Whilst this is happening Darling tells Buddy that Bats looked at her funny and they decide to kill him after the heist is done. Arriving at the warehouse the guns are on display but Bats being the crazy guy he is notices that there are police stamps on the boxes so opens fire and shoots the main guy causes everyone to spray bullets until they are all dead and Darling is left with a bullet in the arm. Bats throws a grenade into the enemy car for a final sling before driving away. As this was going on, Baby was once again playing music and it's a great scene as each bullet shot, goes along with the tune of the song. I'm loving this. The team aren't happy with Bats until he explains that they were cops. On the ride back, Bats orders Baby to pull over into the diner, the diner he always goes to and for once he rejects the offer but this doesn't go down well. He has to act like he doesn't know Deborah and she does back but this clearly upsets her and the gang know until Bats threatens to shoot her and Baby grabs the gun refusing. Leaving, Baby hands Deborah a message and then leaves. The return to Doc who isn't happy that his contacts haven't rung about the deal being completed and loses his mind when he finds out the truth. He knew they were cops and they were on his payroll anyway. He demands the team stay there tonight in order to keep out of sight. He asks Baby if the heist should still go ahead and he insists that it should, maybe knowing that the money will help him and Deborah.

Baby tries to sneak out in the middle of the night to see her, the message said 'Road trip 2am' and that's where he was heading. He's stopped by Buddy who questions everything about him and whether he is a nark. Bats turns up asking the same and pulls out Baby's recorder and then knocks him out after finding his address. He wakes up in front of Doc and Bats spills all the tapes he's recorded onto the table. He's sat in Joseph's wheelchair, making Baby worry about what has happened to him. Baby proves the tapes are what they are from one he recorded from the first heist of the movie. While all of this is happening, Deborah is left waiting inside the diner for Baby to take her away.

The next morning and the team are at the post office in order to complete the heist. Dropping the team off and heading around the back he sees the woman who works there and shakes his head at her in order to warn her not to go inside but she instead heads to a guard and tells him that she thinks something is going down. The team get back into the car as Bats kills the guard and then aims his shotgun at the driver ordering him to leave but instead Baby loses it and drives straight forward, impaling Bats onto a pole hanging off the back of a construction track parked in front. With him dead, the rest of the team make a run for it as the cops turn up. Getting chased through the streets we see Baby as a little sprinting, out running most and hiding in a park whilst watching the happy couple run past being chased. He runs into a shop to change his appearance but gets seen once again and makes his way to a car, hot wiring it but crashing it into Buddy and Darling as the cops open fire and they start spraying back. Darling is gunned down and Buddy loses his mind, trying to kill everyone and blaming Baby so turning the gun on him. Again, the music is brilliantly going along with the tunes that are playing. Baby returns to his apartment to help Joseph and take the money before dropping Jo at a retirement home with a pocketful of money. He leaves with an emotional message of failing him and leaves as a police helicopter tracks his car down. Heading back to the diner he wants to take Deborah away finally but as he walks in he sees Buddy sitting there, looking beat up, but wanting revenge for Darling. A cop enters to use the toilet but when Buddy is looking elsewhere, Baby shoots him in the chest and grabs Deb's hand to make a run out the back and into some waiting cops but soon take another turn and find an abandoned place where Baby rings Doc to explain but Doc doesn't want to know, in fact he acts like he has never heard of him. They steal a car from two guys and had over Doc to sort things. Doc is ready to cut all contact with him for this failure and getting the crew killed but as Deborah walks in he seems to change his mind and lets Baby take some money. He even lets him retrieve the tape saying 'MOM'. The three head to the lift only for the floor to stop on the rest of gun seller's crew but although Doc gets shot twice, he kills the three men, only for Buddy to arrive in a cop car and plough him down. Buddy reverses to make sure and then sets his sight on the last two remaining two. Both in cars by now, Baby rams Buddy's car over the ledge of the car park multi story. With it falling floors down, it's now the end, but no, Buddy got out in time and holds a gun to Baby's head but Deborah has got a crow bar and slams it over the head of Buddy. Baby grabs the gun and fires rounds into his one-time crew member and he falls down onto the already fallen car and it explodes.

The following morning Deborah is driving their bullet ridden car as Baby sleeps and they are listening to that special tape, it's his Mom singing on tape but as they continue on the road they come to a road block. She wants to get away but Baby decides to give himself in because she deserves more. Going on trial in a few cut scenes we see people on the stand as character witnesses for him.  The post office worker, a lady whose car he stole, apologised for and gave her bag back, Deborah and Joseph. He's given 25 years but after keeping his head down is out on parole after 5. During his time inside he gets postcards from his girlfriend and she finds out his real name is Miles whilst in the court and now they have more songs to listen to with his name included. We see his fantasy from earlier come true as he walks out of jail to meet Deborah waiting for him at the gates and the scene shifts from black and white to full colour.

I loved this movie. Music is something I really enjoy so to see the scenes linked with music in the form of the action, driving, gun shots and words in the back ground was massively underrated if anyone missed this. If it was missed I urge people to go back and witness this again. There wasn't a huge amount of driving involved and what was on show was high paced gripping to the max. Because there wasn't too much, it helped the story take place rather than relying on the cars take the main focus like other franchises. The cast worked very well and there wasn't a need to too much dialogue from the main characters because emotion was shown in other ways and each person was their own character. The film was full on fun and the adrenaline rushes kept me gripped. Even the humour in this was back and fore between dark and light but worked because it was delivered by the characters that could carry it. It was so hard to find a fault with this film but saying that the only reason that it didn't get the full 10 is that I wish it was longer!   

Sting like a bee (Transformers: The Last Knight 2017)

115.

Transformers: The Last Knight

 

 

 

 

7.5/10

 

 

 

Time for the fifth instalment in the Transformers franchise and after the forgettable forth for me, my expectations were so low that I surely couldn't walk out of this film feeling truly let down. Whether this is going to be the last film, Michael Bay's last film or another film in a long procession of explosions and metal shards, it'll be interesting to find out. The trailer involved the normal Bay kind movies with a lot of special effects, explosions and all the characters we are used to seeing. I went alone to watch this one so didn't have anyone's reaction to gauge with. This looks bad ass so let's roll out.

Just as the last few films I've seen, King Arthur and The Mummy the film opens in the Dark Ages of England. King Arthur is on screen with his Knights in an epic battle that they are clearly loosing to savages as their men is getting crushed by giant fire balls. Their last hope is the arrival of Merlin and his magic, but the other men, other than Arthur, think he is nothing more than a drunk. Switching to Merlin travelling on a road somewhere, clearly hungover but drinking some more to help him on his way. Shouting into what seems an overgrown, crashed spaceship, he meets a Cybertronian Knight who he begs for help for this fight. Finally the Knight presents him with a powerful staff that can be used to control Dragonstorm, which is awesome in name and awesome in sight. Great effects show a huge metal dragon fly through the land and lay waste to King Arthur's enemies and just in time. Back to the present day and we see Optimus Prime floating through space on his mission to find his creators. He's lost and covered in ice. On Earth, the Autobots are now deemed illegal after the carnage from the Forth film in Hong Kong. One is hiding with Simmons in Cuba, whilst the Transformers Reaction Force or TRF, has been active for the last few years in order to kill any Transformer that they come across. In the NASA control room, someone detects something huge heading towards Earth in a matter of three days and its planet Cybertron. Ok so they say they didn't notice it because it was hiding behind the moon but surely there's enough satellites up there to notice something sooner right?

Chicago next and most of it is in ruins and a bunch of kids fancy exploring and they find a little pod fighter which contains a Cybertronian Knight and it wakes up to shock them. As the slide down to escape a TRF sentinel starts to attack them but they are saved when a young girl and her Autobot friend Canopy destroy the sentinel. She and another of her little Autobot friend Sqweeks run to cover as the TRF air strike the big Autobot down and despite her best efforts, he dies.  Bumblebee then arrives, crashing through a wall to take out the drone that did the bombing as Cade, played by Mark Wahlberg, turns up after being in hiding for siding with the Autobots. Not long after this event, the TRF show up to arrest Cade and take down Bumblebee and after blowing him into pieces, each individual one starts to attack before reforming Bumblebee to his normal shape. Cade has Santos, the leader of this group from TRF, pinned to the ground with a gun before a familiar voice asks him to stop. Its Lennox, played by Josh Duhamel, who is one of the only characters to make from the first movies. He talks Cade out of doing anything and lets them both go on their way. Cade goes to the Knight in the ship, who dies but firstly he gives Cade a talisman from the dark ages which will give him a special power. All this has been seen by the Decepticon Barricade, who is disguised as his usual Police cruiser.

In space, Optimus crash lands onto what is left of Cybertron and is approached by Quintessa, voiced by Gemma Chan, who introduces herself as one of the creators of the planet. Optimus isn't happy and tried to attack her as he is held back and they both blame each other for turning their back on their planet and fellow Transformers. She gets into his head and begins to control him, explaining that Earth is really their rival planet, Unicron, in disguise. She wants Earth destroyed so that Optimus may have redemption, which he accepts. His eyes have now turned red, indicating that he has become an enemy, renaming himself Nemesis Prime. Awesome moment actually. Back to Earth again and Lennox is answering to his General about Cybertron's advances and they learn of the news that Megatron has been resurrected and he is seeking the talisman. The TRF make a major deal with Megatron for his help and they must release some of his Decepticon friends. Finally we are sent to a new location and it's Oxford to see a Professor Viviane, played by Laura Haddock, we clearly already see we have our posh English female back, who comes with the good looks. She is constantly reminded that she needs a man, so I can guess who she is going to be hooking up with. Leading a tour through the museum, she tells them of myth and folklore surrounding the country but at the same time kind of telling them all that it's bullshit. Cade is now arriving at a junkyard that he's been calling home. His friend Jimmy who he hired through a newspaper ad, looks after the Autobots in his possession and one of them is a giant dinosaur that is incredibly hard to handle. He has been followed home by Izabella and Sqweeks, and although he tries to turn her away she shows her worth as  mechanic but not before explaining that her parents were killed by Decepticons so all she had were her two Autobot friends. Cade allows her to stay and then heads to call his daughters but is unable to speak or stay on the line long because the TRF will find him. Inside his little caravan are three baby dinosaur transformers and I have no clue where these came from. 

Megatron has now tracked them down and the TRF with them to find the talisman and kill the bots. Coming out of hiding, the Autobots start fighting they escape to a deserted that Cade has already rigged with explosives that already blow two Decepticons to pieces. Another dinosaur enters the frame from beneath the ground and turns over some TRF trucks, killing the men inside. This ticks off Santos who sends drones into the town to scout and kill the group. Not before the talisman attaching itself to Cade so as he is shot, it acts as a shield for him. Confused he gets into an elevator there a humanoid Transformer called Cogman is looking for him, but nearly looses him as he leaps out of the glass elevator onto a drone and is dragged to the roof. He finally gets Cade along and tells him that he and Bumblebee need to go with him urgently. Leaving Izabella with the other Bots, telling her that she is family now. This is some quick moving story and it didn't take long for Cade to say yes at all. Anthony Hopkins now makes an appearance as he gets into Viviane's car and turns it into a transformer so the next time she gets in, it takes her, against her wishes to Sir Edmund Burton's (Hopkin's) Mansion. At the time is a churned out of the boot, Cade and Cogman are arriving too. Burton explains to them both that there is such an order since the time of King Arthur that have worked with Transformers for the good of humanity and the Witwiccans, including Sam Witwicky, shown in a little framed picture as a nice nod to the older films, have been doing their part to protect the bots. In a flashback we see one Transformer helping American soldiers in World War II. Burton goes on to explain the staff of Merlin that only a descendant can wield. Viviane is the last one, of course otherwise why else would she be there. She called it bullshit before so it is obvious she would be the one. She needs to work to stop something catastrophic happening to Earth and her father had known it all along. Cade's talisman is explained next and it has chosen him because it deems him honourable. TRF show up again and Hot Rod, the car that took Viv holds them off with a time contained bubble as the others escape through the street of London on a high speed chase causing carnage on their way.

Cade and Viv head to her father's office in her house where her mother and friends take a liking to him already and are happy that she has found a man. Heading upstairs, they search for clues to where the staff may be and downstairs the women can all hear them banging and talking. Everything right now is a sexual innuendo. They locate a submarine with the help of Simmons who wants to be an honorary member of the order. He is on the phone and the movie simply seems like it wants t add him in and he gives the most vital information over the phone just because he can. The Submarine takes Cade, Viv and Cogman to the bottom of the sea where they finally find a massive machine and inside is a chamber of Knights and the staff.  

The Knights are all lying dormant and look like they have for many years. Once they grab the Staff one of the wakes up and tries to kill them. The TRF have followed them down to the machine as well and are takeout but the giant Knights. Viv grabs the staff once more and the machine starts to make its way to the surface and floats above land heading to a destination. By now the crew have made it to the top of the machine and Optimus has now shown up, he wants to take the staff to Quintessa in order for her to start the machine which will drain the Earth and restore Cybertron, ending Human life. Optimus takes the fight to Bumblebee while he is still brainwashed and before delivering the fatal hit, Bumblebee's real voice finally came back at the most convenient time in movie storylines. He remembers this yellow bot is his friend and Optimus is now good again but all the Knights have surrounded him and want to kill him for his betrayal. Cade steps in with the talisman attached and this somehow gives him the power to wield Excalibur, causing the Knights to step down.

So, the massive machine or spaceship has made its way to Stonehenge where Quintessa, joined by Megatron, start their attack on Earth. Finally, the TRF want to join the Autobots and rip off their badges in what is supposed to be a moving scene but seemed to take way too long. Also arriving to the fight for no reason but to fill the characters were Jimmy and Izabella with the other Bots that were protecting them. Burton fancies spraying bullets, only to be killed by Megatron and dies with Cogman at his side. They fly up to the alien planet and crash land but prepare to attack. With Quintessa sending out warriors and massive guns, the team decide to pull back and nuke them instead so Izabella sends Sqweeks to destroy the gun with his Autobot arm. The Infernocons head to kill Optimus who chops off their heads in one slow motion swipe of his sword. Fighting their way into Cybertron, Viv tries to regrab the staff and Optimus cuts off Megtron's arm and kicks him off the planet and back down to Earth. The nukes have hit one part of the planet and sent it swinging from its wires and colliding with another main structure. This has sent the heroes into a spin because the part of the planet they are on in now breaking free and flipping in all directions. This sends Cade and Viviane flying towards certain doom until Hot Rod uses his time freezing trick and helps her closer to the staff. Optimus gets to Quintessa and she simply holds him back whilst a sneak attack from Bumblebee destroys her. Viviane has grabbed the staff, stopped the machine and saved Earth.

Tying up all loose ends, or so it seems, Cade and Viviane sort out a date whilst also taking in Izabella so that she has a 'normal' family again. Optimus closes with his usual chat and sends out a call to all Autobots that Earth is his home once again. During the credits, there is a scene where scientists are in the dessert and Quintessa appears in human form and approaches one, telling him that she knows a way to destroy Unicron. As the camera pans out, we see another massive horn sticking out of the sand.

This was Michael Bay loving his toys once more and because I knew what to expect with my not so high expectations, I enjoyed it for what it was. The story was rushed and a little messy but at the same time I was connecting with the characters. The graphics and explosions where a major factor for why I enjoyed sitting and watching this movie. At the same time there was hardly any Bots on the screen when you add it all together, this should be a movie about Transformers so why are we getting so any Humans! Even regarding the storyline, one of the characters gives some of the most important information to save the world, over the phone. This felt like they were just trying to wedge him in as a familiar face. I could watch this again but I wouldn't be rushing around to do so. It's going to be interesting to see where it goes from here now, if Bay will continue or there are some fresh ideas. 

   

Let it be to death, or victory (Hercules 2014)

114.

Hercules

 

 

6/10

 

 

So back to some movies that have already been out and I haven't seen before and although it wasn't my choice this time, I'm always one for mythology and Hercules is my favourite Disney film so it was about time I watched a darker, more adult, version. Dwayne Johnson was cast to play the main man, obviously built for the part, he was alongside Ian McShane, John Hurt and with a trailer full of monsters, I couldn't wait to see how they were depicted. If I'm being honest, this was a movie I stayed away from, mainly because of 'The Rock' trying his hand at everything but after Baywatch, I had a little more hope. Let's hope this isn't a labour of my own.
Setting the scene of his birth, but obviously not showing the naughty bit, Zeus and a mortal, Alcmene created their son, Hercules on a stormy night. The name meant 'Hera' as an attempt to appease the Goddess herself, but instead she found this an insult and wanted the child dead. Two snakes appear from the eyes of her own statue and head to the baby to kill him but instead he snaps their necks with his god like strength. We are then straight onto his as an adult taking on his twelve labours, firstly through a swap to kill a Hydra, then onto a Boar and his most well-known which was a huge Lion whose hide could not be broken by any normal weapon. As the Swamp trial takes place we only see the back of Hercules with his long, shaggy hair and his face is slowly revealed as the fighting begins. First thoughts are, this isn't Hercules. I grew up with the Disney version as my favourite and this guy wasn't ginger! He was too tanned! And looked scruffy as hell. Once the narrator finishes, the scene cuts to it being told by Hercules's nephew, Iolaus, who is hanging over a wooden spike. He has been taken prisoner by pirates that have moved into Macedonia and his intention was to scare them, to leave before Hercules arrives. Not believing a word he says, one of the men doesn't see Hercules standing behind him wearing the Lion skin as he whispers that he killed him with his bare hands. The killings carry on but each one is obscured to the pirate leader who is becoming increasingly scared but actually can't see that Hercules has a team with him helping he killing. Is my whole perception of Hercules a lie!? According to the movie it is! Getting to his nephew and releasing him before he becomes impaled, Hercules then turns and kills the leader with one swing of his club. Ok, he's still got some strength. 
The lads then head for beers in a local tavern where they are approached by a female asking them to help her father protect the Kingdom of Thrace from a so-called Warlord. If they help, they will be rewarded highly and one of Hercules's men pushes his food towards him and tells him to eat up. They travel to Thrace and the female's Ergenia's son Arius runs to Hercules excited to meet him after hearing the stories of his twelve labours. The General takes the men to meet Eregnia's father and is asked whether he has ever been this close to royalty before. He recalls a time he travelled to another kingdom and met King Eurystheus and brought him the heads of the Hydra. He also got reunited with his wife Megara and three children but then the scene takes a shocking turn when he has visions of his family screaming and his house's walls covered in blood. Hercules is back to reality as he is brought before the man in charge, played by the late John Hurt. Lord Cotys is asking for Hercules and his men to fight with him and his army in order to defeat the Warlord Rhesus. The Lord looks at Atlanta, the female in Hercules's group and claims that the war is no place for a woman but the usual scene ensues as she proves them wrong with her archery skills. The story for Cotys is that most of the evil army are Centaurs which are laying waste so Hercules agrees to train the army to his own standards. They begin with the men simply standing there holding shield to stop advances but one of the gang, Tydeus, who is a bit tedious, doesn't speak, full of scars and seems like a little rodent, charges at them and makes advances. Tydeus's background is explained to us that night when the little lad Arius sneaks to find out what the snarling noise is, only for the man to jump out at him. Running away, the boy is found by Hercules where he tells him the story that they found Tydeus in Thebes as a young boy when everything had been destroyed by war. To this day he hasn't said a word. Arius is taken to his mother and left with a gift of the Lions tooth.
Hercules leads his newly trained men to the Heartland where Iolaus the story teller fancies a fight but is rebuffed in his efforts. The land has already been ravaged with bodies lying everywhere and heads slammed onto spikes. The soldiers come across fresh bodies and are looking for survivors before realising that they are actually savages that have set up a trap for them. The army springs into action with their shields and protect the VIP's of the group. Hercules steps forward to take on what the best savage has to offer. With the man running at him, Hercules snaps off the head of an arrow and hits the guy in the head with it, so hard that he flies backwards in some slow motion for the extra effect. Everyone now joins in with the attack and when it looks like they could lose, a couple grab some chariots and start mowing down the savages in a gruesome turn of events. As it draws to a close, Iolaus covers Hercules's wounds so that the men won't see his blood. Cotys calls out Rhesus the Warlord, knowing that he is behind this but unknowing that he is watching from afar.
Back at Thrace, Hercules's wounds are tended to by Ergenia where she asks if he ever had a family, not wanting to answer he sends her away instead. That night he hears screaming and wonder to investigate, seeing dead bodies everywhere and some that include his family, he is then faced with the three-headed dog of Hades, Cerberus. This turns out to be only another vision as he is soon snapped out of it. The following morning Ergenia wants to know more about Hercules's past and turns to his friends to find out. Claiming that it was Hera driving the man mad, they all have a reason to trust him. The Army now head to their next mission where they see centaurs in the distance who run towards the army of our Heroes. Rhesus makes his presence known finally but Hercules is by no means intimidated. The Thracians take on the Warlord's men but prove stronger than before. Amphiaraus, one of the main men, stands there welcoming death through flaming arrows, only for one not to hit him. Rhesus runs at Hercules on horseback before getting flipping by the man, and fails to Hercules sneering, 'Fucking Centaurs'.
The enemies are taken back to Thrace where they have things thrown at them and a feast is held as the enemies are chained up to watch on. Ergenia feels pity on the Warlord so wants to take him water but only for her father to stop her. Hercules gets her alone after seeing the way she looks at Rhesus where he learns that its actually, Cotys that started the war, wanting more power. Rhesus has already told Hercules that he is fighting on the wrong side. Ergenia just wants her son to be safe because when the Lord dies, he shall be on the throne. Hercules is now angry and goes to confront the Lord who shows no remorse but instead offers him a place in his army, to which Hercules obviously refuses. The crew is given their gold and Autolycus leaves whilst the others choose to help Thrace for a bit longer, this time stopping Cotys but when they head to face him, they are captured along with Eugenia and Arius. Waking back up, Hercules is chained in a dungeon whilst the others are in cells. He sees three wolves but at first his mind plays tricks on him and we see the vision of Hade's dog instead. In walks in King Eurystheus from Hercules's past and it turns out he's been working with Cotys. He reveals that he drugged Hercules the night his family were killed and the wolves were sent in to do the killing. He seen Hercules as a threat to his kingdom and knew he needed to defeat him somehow. The scene turns worse as Cotys orders his own daughter to be beheaded right there and then. Amphiaraus orders Hercules to remember who he is and with a roar he breaks free of his chains and swings them at the executioner. She runs free to open the cells whilst the wolves attack Hercules and the enemy group make a break for it and lock them all in the room. One wolf is slammed against the wall, another's jaw is broken and the other is killed by the Lion tooth which Arius gave back to Hercules at first capture. With everyone now free, the make a break for it past Thrace guards, one of whom throws a spear through fire at Amphiaraus, who is still waiting for his death until Hercules grabs the spear and returns to sender. The guy hates this, poor man just wants to die. Moving onto the King, Hercules doesn't take his excuses of being corrupted by Cotys or the begs for forgiveness but instead kills him with his own dagger. Next is the Army General who tried to use his whip made of human spin to grab Hercules but Iolaus impales him.

Now we head outside for the final battle and Cotys stands in front of his men and they bring out Arius who he threatens to kills if Hercules doesn't stand down. The soldier holding the boy is killed as the predictable happens and Autolycus returns. The army advances as Tydeus is hit by an arrow but isn't stopped and he kills everyone in his path as he takes on more and more arrows to the chest. Hercules hold him as he dies and the predictability strikes again as he finally speaks, only to say Hercules's name. Retreating up a massive staircase the crew tip over small statues of oil and fire to block their path from the enemy whilst Hercules tries to tip a huge statue of Hera to crush them. As Cotys shouts about his family deserving death, it's the pus he needs for extra strength and the statues crushes some men as the head breaks off, hits Cotys and sends him flying off a cliff. The surviving soldiers lay down their arms and bow down to Hercules. Amphiaraus closes the film with some lines about how he prefers the tale of Hercules rather than the myth and that being a hero means that you believe you can be one, but what does he know? He's supposed to be dead!

Ok so this changed by whole vision of Hercules from the pale ginger guy in my favourite Disney movie. It delivered him as a kind of fake warrior which I didn't enjoy too much. It may have finished with the lines it did but I preferred the myth rather than the tale. I don't think the casting of Dwayne Johnson was right for this, although he's built for the part, I Just didn't believe in him, although most was a cover up and hoax. When expecting to see constant creatures, it was just a fight between men and I wasn't overly pleased because the short time we did see the monsters, they were portrayed brilliantly. The film was a massive missed opportunity and I hope that Disney do make their own Hercules into a real-life adaptation. There was some nice action if you were after that type of movie for a war between armies. Between the not so hard to follow narrative and some major plot holes including the King travelling to Trace with three wolves instead of his own army, what King would do that? I would have preferred a film about Hercules's twelve labours instead but they were all summarised in the credits which showed his friends helping him defeat each one. I doubt I'll ever be back for a second watch.

Welcome to a new world of Gods and monsters (The Mummy 2017)

113.

The Mummy
 

 

5.5/10

 

 

Woohoo The Mummy is back! And apparently this one is going to lead the way to Dark universe, show casing all of the monsters that Universal has on their belt. After the success of the first two with Brendan Fraser and the slight hiccup that was his third, it was cool to see that this film was back on the roster, even if it meant seeing the trailer way too many times for my liking. Tom Cruise and Russell Crowe were on board, although I can't honestly remember a Cruise film that I enjoyed. If this was the start of a new universe, it had best make a strong start to pave the way and learning that the film had already changed the Director a couple of times along with Cruise having an abundance of control, it wasn't brimming with confidence. Only time will tell so let's unwrap the movie.

Setting the story we are back in English crusader times of 1127 A.D. and a group of knights capture a large, famous Ruby from ancient Egypt before burying it with one of their Knights in a tomb. Back to present day and construction is taking place on a new underground transport tunnel until the men dig through into a knight's tomb, of course and start snapping pictures until a group of mysterious men  lead by one large figure, arrive to investigate. As the man walks up to the main tomb and hieroglyphics on the wall, we see its Crowe stepping out of the shadows to tell us a little history. The story is of Princess Ahmanet who was first in line to command Egypt from her father until he met a new woman and she gave birth to a sun which stripped her of her birth right. Jealously drove her to sell her soul to Set who gave her a special dagger to kill her family with and then sacrifice her lover to bring Set into physical form. Just as we see this about to take place, her father's priests stop her and mummify her, burying her alive and surrounding her in mercury so that her evil form cannot escape from the tomb.

We head over to Iraq now and two men on horses are chatting about sneaking into a nearby town that is occupied by the enemy. They are both soldiers and their faces are covered but its clear that one of them is going to be Cruise and in what was mean to be some dramatic unveiling, he takes off the cloth covering his face and low and behold it's him. He's followed a map to this spot and they need to get into the town to see what it's about. The next scene cuts to the town running down alleyways from gun fire, and onto roof tops with plenty of explosions and dead ends at a must there was also an attempt at humour between the two men. Chris Vail is Cruise's partner and this character just continued to annoy me already. Nick, played by Cruise, leads the two to one final rooftop where they are completely surrounded and Vail, played by Jake Johnson is distraught that he is going to die. Both are saved when a drone drops an airstrike, clearing the way for the mean before the building they are on collapses and falls towards a massive hole that has opened up. All that is visible is the top of a large Egyptian statue. Jenny turns up, an archaeologist played by Annabelle Wallis, just in time to stop the Colonel giving Cruise and his man marching order, mind the pun, and clearly there is some chemistry between her and the main man. It turns out that they had a one night stand and this is how Cruise has stolen the letter and map to the area. The Colonel gives her permission to investigate the site but only if the useless duo go down with her. Hitting the bottom and looking around they realise that it's actually a prison and with time running out for results, Nick shoots a rope which raises the sarcophagus of Ahmanet. Looking straight at the eyes of the casing, Nick starts to have visions of being in the desert with the occupant and is woken just before she kissing him, calling him her chosen. At the same time, camel spiders pour out of the walls and one bites Chris on the neck. Once the coffin is loaded onto a transport plane heading for London, shit starts going down. Nick starts to have the same dream again and as he sees himself getting killed, he wakes to Chris standing next to the sarcophagus trying to open it with a knife. The Colonel goes to stop him but is stabbed repeatedly, to which everyone runs before he turns his attention to them. The bite is clearly affecting him, with one eye now snow white, her face half covered in blue veins. Nick is forced to shoot him dead as he doesn't stop attacking them. Walking into the cockpit, Nick and Jenny go searching and for answers as to what has happened to one of the engines, just to see a few hundred crows flying towards the plane. Smashing through the front windows and engines, the plane is now in a nose dive and Nick grabs the one parachute he can, puts it on Jenny and sets it off for her before accepting his fate and smashing into the English countryside. Now we has just witnessed some of Ahmanet's power of possession.

Nick wakes a day later in a boy bag in Oxford and as he gets off his table, the Ghost of Chris is standing behind him for instant answers. He explains how Nick is cursed and the Princess sees him as a vessel to bring Set into the world. Shitting himself just as Jenny and the main Coroner walk into the room, everyone is surprised that he is alive, but not just alive, he doesn't have a mark on him. Meanwhile at the crash site, Ahmanet has escaped from her coffin and is attacking rescue workers by sucking their faces to regain some skin onto her decomposed body. Once they have been killed, they turn into her zombie minions . Nick and Jenny are slamming some pints back until Nick sees Chris behind the bar calling him over to chat. He follows him into the toilets and they have, what is meant to be a comical exchange, about why he shot him when he was supposed to be his friend. They continue to talk about whether Nick will give in to her as it's going to be the only way to stop it. He needs some air and goes into the alleyway only for the mummy to be there, crawling towards him as hundreds of rats fill the floor and jump onto Nick. Just as he runs for it, a car hurls towards him in full beam and Jenny pulling him off the main road t reveal that he was hallucinating once again. She's already been on the phone to someone to explain that she's going to be bringing him in but Nick is adamant he needs to go somewhere because he knows where the coffin is. Getting to a church yard, we she the mummy spying on them as they explore until they are split up and through another of his visions and he is inside the church, with two zombie minions, as they hold him down on the table Ahmanet reveals herself, smashes a reliquary and bringing out the dagger. Just as she goes to kill him and let Set run riot, she notices the Ruby is gone. Like a proper little Princess she screams the house down as Jenny staggers in, not quite sure what she is looking at. The mummy begins her attack, throwing her into the pews as Kick puts his fist through one of the minions head and kicks the other's clean off. Running outside, they split as is Nick is just saving himself, he jumps into an ambulance and stops to pick Jenny up. After an exchange about him leaving her they head to find a main road to escape before a minion or two try to punch and head butt their way through the windows, obviously failing. They circle around but Ahmanet controls Nick's mind and he's driven straight back to the church. Trying again to drive away, this time they crash down a bank and upside down, they see the mummy walking toward them. Nick grabs a log but is easily over powered and at the last minute, unknown mercenaries appear and subdue the crazy bitch, but also Nick.

Being lead to some underground facility in London, Nick is taken to the leader, Dr Henry Jekyll. Yes really, this story is happening. He even shows us a little struggle to control the power before injecting himself with some sort of quick cure. It's Crowe as well and he explains that Jenny is part of a group called the Prodigium who are a secret society that hunt supernatural threats so as they walk through rooms we see a webbed hand, skull with fangs and the usual predictable shit. He confirms that Nick is cursed because he unlocked the tomb. With a few more visions from Nick, he is worried from the mummy's welfare as she is chained up and being pumped with mercury to keep her evil at a zero. Once back in Jekyll's office,  Jekyll is telling Nick that is is fully behind the idea letting the process happen but he wants to be the one to stab him with the dagger. Ahmanet has already told Nick that he would pretty much be a God and be in control of life and death. At this time he's having another transformation into Mr Hyde and as he goes for his serum, Nick grabs it, demanding answers as a worker grabs Jenny and takes her to safety out of the room. She doesn't want to leave an unexpectinrg Nick to what's about to happen. Running around to try and get back in she gets into a library what has a viewing glass of the office and the man is still trying to lead her away as Nick and Hyde start the tussle once a full transformation is complete. There's hardly any change of note, Crowe has put on a few pounds since I seen him last anyway but now his face is veiny and his eyes seems red with a green tone to the skin. Throwing things around with ease, including Nick, his strength is shown until Nick smashes his face with a brief case and then injects him with the serum. Jenny had freed herself by cracking the guy over the head with the book of the living from the Fraser Mummy film, as a little nod to its predecessors. In the meantime, Ahmanet hasn't been quiet and she's summoned a little spider to crawl into a ear of the guard to possess him and free her from the mercury so that she could regain strength. Gradually breaking free she sees Nick and Jenny running across the rafters and has one last attempt to tempt him to become a God but when it fails and Jenny makes him run, she screams the house down. She summons the sands of Egypt to rain a storm through London, throwing buses and smashing all windows are it flies through. She grabs the dagger and jewel before making a break to search for her beloved.
Nick and Jenny are running through the tunnels below London where they encounter plenty of Ahmanet's undead who are the Crusaders that she has brought back to life. Fighting the lot, they head into the flooded part of the catacombs where hey must swim upwards for some air until Ahmanet grabs Jenny's legs and drags her to the depths. Nick fights more minions off him but Jenny has now already drown and Nick takes her body to confront the Mummy. By now it's become predictable, I know that he's going to end up sacrificing himself to bring her back to life. He focuses on trying to smash the jewel but Ahmanet has another go at trying to seduce him instead. This time he seems to be giving in and holds out the dagger, as if he is going to hand it over, until instead he stabs himself. Called it! Now becoming possessed by Set he fights with the Mummy before grabbing her and sucking the life out of her, making her shrivel up into a corpse once more. He runs over to Jenny and brings her back to life with a great technique, he screams at her! Once she wakes he has gone to hide in a dark corner telling her that he has to leave. The film ends by tying up some things and opening others. Jenny and Jekyll watch Ahmanet's body be put back into a sarcophagus and covered in mercury whilst discussing what will happen to Nick now that he is a monster. Jekyll tells her that there is hope as long as he still has a shred of humanity. The whole thing ends with Nick and Chris, the most pointless character who has been now brought back to life, on horse back heading for another adventure as a sandstorm follows them to the pyramids.
Well what can I say? Tom Cruise sucks and I didn't believe in his character at all. He needed a presence on screen and didn't dominate it one bit. Sofia Boutella as the Mummy was a saving grace and I didn't expect to enjoy a female villain as much as I actually did. The role of Jekyll wasn't needed at all in my opinion especially when we didn't even get to see the full transformation. Chris Vail was just a confusing character that tried to add humour, much like Jonathan in the old ones but it was cringe worthy at times and should have simply died and not returned in any form. The graphics for the movie were great and little hints of what is to come from the dark universe could be seen but if this is the showcase of what the want to be a great legacy, it was a very damp attempt at it. It wasn't really the horror it wanted to be, it's cast looked strong but in the end seemed all about Cruise, his jokes fell flat and so did this movie by the end. With a spoon fed plot that you could see coming, it was more orientated to wanted to start a whole new world instead of focusing on this one movie and smashing it. Where's Brendan Fraser at right now?

Why does she look like she's running in slow motion? (Baywatch 2017)

112.

Baywatch

 

 

 

7/10

 

 

First thoughts after finding out about this film and seeing the trailer were why? Did we really need this film and does Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson just want to chuck his name towards anything until he finds the role that will last him a lifetime outside of the wrestling world? With adding Zac Efron and some good looking females, there is an opportunity to make this into a decent summer movie. Since the TV series, each one of those characters and their actors/actresses have been linked in everyone's eyes whenever they are seen anywhere else. Could this once again become a franchise that it once was? Too many questions surrounding such a movie could be a bad thing. Let's hit the beach.

The film begins with Lieutenant Mitch Buchannon arriving at the beach to start his day as the lifeguard on duty. Obviously a massive figure of a guy walking past the main sign of Emerald Bay, to show us where we are. Walking past so many people that know his name, the story is trying to show us how much the guy is loved there. Looking out he sees a guy parasailing and instantly sees danger as the wind changes. The guy gets hoisted up, slams his heads on some rocks. Mitch springs into action and swims to save the man, carrying him out of the water in an over the top introduction with the word 'Baywatch' rising from the waves behind him and three dolphins leaping out of the water to chest bump each other in celebration. Following this, Mitch goes for a jog down the beach and passes by a local cop that he has a little banter with about job roles and then spots a young boy further down the beach picking up a pouch of drugs. His team is made up of Stephanie, his second hand lady and CJ who is a massive objection of affection for Ronnie, a young guy who wants to be a lifeguard for that reason alone. While flying a drone with his mate Dave, CJ runs up to him, in the usual slow motion and wishes him luck in the upcoming lifeguard trials. Ronnie can't get a word out because he is so nervous.

Panning out to the busy boardwalk, a motorbike pulls up and off gets Matt Brody, played by Zac Efron. Brimming with confidence, he tried to introduce himself to Summer, played by the beautiful Alexandra Daddario, to which she replies, 'And no fucks were given'. Welcome to the real world son. Then meeting her again to the trials, she again ignores him to an extent and Brody moves onto talking to Mitch and Stephanie, two more people that don't care for his attitude. Explaining that he doesn't need the trials because he is an Olympic champion, he's told to earn his job. Within this exchange there is plenty of humour as Mitch begins to call Brody by popular boy band names. Meanwhile we are shown some other characters as Victoria, the new owner of the local Huntley club, is in a meeting with a councilman over a real estate deal. In exchange for his services, she gives him a watch that her men wear. This has a dirty deal written all over it. Ronnie is on the beach when he sees CJ again and whilst he is eating he starts to choke, throwing her into action to save him. Through the trusting, Ronnie has got an erection and can't do anything but hide it by throwing himself onto a wooden lawn chair. Things instantly get worse as he gets himself wedged between the planks. Now Mitch comes over to help and a crowd gathers in this brilliant scene and when Mitch tells him that he'll pull it out like a tooth he panics and runs, falling face first and breaking the chair to free himself to everyone's enjoyment.

The next day Mitch rounds up all the hopeful guys and girls that are attending the trails and show them the obstacle course. Brody doesn't care and sits it out instead while Summer smashes it and Ronnie struggles because he's heavier set than the rest of them. He refuses to give up and this impresses the judges. Mitch puts Brody through his own course which is like the worlds strongest man obstacles until screaming is heard from the nearby pier where to children fall and a mother jumps into the sea after them. They spring into action and Brody takes it upon himself to steal a bike and ride the pier to dive in and save them. Only noticing the mother, she fights him off her constantly while Mitch and CJ rescue the kids and back on the beach Brody just looks foolish. By the end of the day, although Mitch wasn't impressed with Brody's technique of saving someone, Ronnie, Summer and Mitch have passed the tests. Mitch has been to his Captain to complain about Brody but he doesn't want to hear it. He just loves the publicity and the fact that he is a skilled swimmer. He lost all his face by being sick in the pool after a night of partying and threw away the chance of a team gold medal in doing so. At night Summer and CJ see Brody sleeping under the dock and CJ offers him a place to stay. Following her to Steph's house, she says she's forgotten something from the car so just knock. It turns out to obviously be Mitch's house and he's allowed to stay up in a spare room on the couch where there are mini figures of Mitch watching him. On the water, we are back to the councilman and Victoria Leeds talking business and the guy needs more time to finalise the deals. This obviously isn't great and Leeds's two thugs deal with him once he tried to black mail her for selling drugs. As the guys continue their training, Leeds pulls up and invites the team to an open house with a little bit of flirting. Meanwhile Steph answers a call that a boat is on fire so the whole team and trainees get on their boat and jet skis and head to the area. Mitch jumps under the water which is on fire and head into the boat to save the first girl, then moving onto the second. Now Brody makes his move but can't find his way back to the surface past any water, putting his own life in danger. Once he is saved, they see a guy passed out on the top of the boat but he is already dead and it's the councilman. Back on shore, Ellerbee, the cop, shows up and tells them all to stay out of a police matter but we know this isn't going to happen. Again everyone is cheesed off with Brody's stupid actions.

At Leeds's place Dave is working for her in tech and he tried to blackmail her about the murder, She's quite impressed with his balls but she has something else in mind. The Baywatch team sits down to some grub and discuss the dead body and the fact that Mitch seen the girls had some drugs on them, the same type that washed up earlier. The know they have to attend the open house and find out what's going on. They go undercover and split up, each knowing their role for the night. Brody is on look out which he isn't too pleased about. He does manage to get Leeds alone though and they start drinking together but he's more focused on the alcohol than trying to get some decent information out of her. Ronnie's turn to work his magic and distract her with some dancing whilst the rest of the crew sneak behind doors to find anything they can. Once they find some drugs in fish barrels, Mitch confronts Brody about failing again, the fact that he only thinks about himself and not the team. Telling him that he's just a lifeguard upsets Mitch and he goes for Brody but pulls put and Brody falls into the pool, trying not to be humiliated, he brushes it off by telling everyone to do shots. Meanwhile the thugs have taken Dave's body out to sea and fill his suit with meat chunks for the sharks.

The next morning Brody come to apologise and Mitch tells him he's great on his own but part of a team doesn't work for his ego. Begging for a second chance, he tells him that he noticed the watch the councilman was wearing was the same as Leeds's thugs.

The trio of Mitch, Brody and Summer head to the morgue to look at the Councilman's body and file to see what the cause of death actually was. Finding out that he had no smoke in his lungs means that he died before the fire started. Mitch orders Brody to look under the guys meat and veg, in the beginning of some hilarious scenes, for some injection holes, this is just to humiliate him further as he takes pictures on his phone. Soon Summer can see the thugs coming and they hide in the draws but Brody picks one with a dead body already in. To make it worse, some fat is dripping onto his face. Outside the thugs are switching the autopsy files. The fat dripping is now too much and Brody bursts out of the draw to sanitize his mouth. They are further exposed as the phone Summer was using to record things starts to ring. One of the thugs, Leon grabs it and runs out with the other. He tosses the phone to the other thug and Mitch goes after the carrier whilst the other two chase down Leon. Chasing him on a jet ski, they soon crash and end up fighting in a little girls room and Mitch puts a diaper bin on his head and knocks him out the window calling him 'shit head'. Great pun and this film is full of them. The trio now meet with Ellerbee who tells them to stop getting involved with the case. The Captain is now involved for the same reason, explaining that they did have evidence but it was destroyed, Thorpe the Captain threatens to fire Mitch if he continues and the thug gets away with it.

Back to the open water and Mitch and Brody are watching the Huntley get their fish from a different company which is how he thinks they are smuggling their drugs onto the beach. They both go undercover once again and sneak into the kitchen where they find them all handling drugs so he calls Ellerbee to report it but he's ignoring the call as he has found another body on the beach and this time the call is on loud speaker to that Thorpe can hear it too. Thorpe orders Mitch into his office to fire him and makes Brody the new Lieutenant but they put a fight that it should go to Stephanie since she knows the beach. Not caring, he flaunts that he has promoted Brody in front of everyone else and although he tried to say no, Thorpe threatens him with a bad record on his community service. The others hate what's happened and although he tries to defend himself, they feel that he hasn't done enough to stop it. Brody starts to handle things on the beach, even without everyone else's support and stops some thieves and on opening their cooler, finds the usual drugs. Asks the girls to help him hand the stuff back to the victims, the others start having sympathy. Brody goes to Ellerbee's office with a smoothie for him but his actual plan is to steal some files using the cooler that the thieves were using.

Now we see Mitch in his new job selling phones and he's cut off any connection with his old team who are worried about him. Serving a guy but clearly with no clue about what he is selling he hears a voice, like God and looking up he wonder what that person is doing there. Turning around we see the one and only Hoff! The original Mitch who inspires him not to give up and that his people need him. Brody approaches Summer with the file and shows Dave's corpse to the team. Ronnie notices his old friends and remembers that he was working with Leeds on tech stuff so he has a go at hacking into the servers. They know something is up because not all the cuts on the body are bite marks but stab wounds. Finding her plans to privatize the beach so that she has no competition on selling drugs, the lads tell the girls and they finally all come back together to fight this. The team gets into another party, this time on a yacht and they find one of Leeds's oppositions tied up and he's been missing for days. Meanwhile Brody swims under the yacht to find where the drugs are hidden. He tells Summer to get back in touch with Mitch to tell him that he was right and when Brody gets into the boat, he's knocked out by the thugs. The goons take him to another boat and put him inside a shark cage and drop him to the bottom to drown. Lying there and ready to die he sees Summer swimming towards him as his saviour, kissing her underwater. Laughter starts from the audience as he opens his eyes and see that it's actually Mitch to save the day.

Leeds is now preparing a helicopter to get away during the firework show but Ronnie hacks in to get the display to start early and stop the landing. Panic gets to him at first but he calms down thanks to CJ kissing him. As the display carries on Mitch and Brody fight the thugs again and win again as one falls and Leeds shoots another for not being strong enough. Chasing her down, she shoots Mitch and he falls into the water. Getting back up as he holds Brody to gun point and explains how Thorpe has been on her pay roll all along. Ronnie see a big red switch and pushes it for luck and Mitch sees a count down begin on a firework which he grabs and points at Leeds, blowing her into pieces. Mitch reveals that he's alive by a sea urchin wound giving him adrenaline but in fact is in need of medical attention, brilliant.

The film comes to a close with some loose stories tied up. Ellerbee apologises, Brody punches Thorpe who gets arrested and Ronnie wakes up in CJ's after hooking up. Back on the beach, Brody and Summer seem to be starting a relationship and the three trainees are instated as actual lifeguards. Once last throwback is that the new Captain is introduced and it is the one and only Casey Jean, Pamela Anderson, who enters in super slow mo. Running along the beach in the iconic slow motion shot closes the film with Brody falling hard into the sand and the credits show some out takes from the movie. The Hoff asks if he can be in the sequel which may or may not actually happen.

Going into this with such low expectation let me enjoy this so much more. The humour was the biggest factor and although mostly crude, it was great, along with Johnson and Efron's relationship on screen and name calling, I could laugh at watching this again. Even thought some moments were over the top at times, it's what the film needed and most of the coast are beautiful specimens but to have one guy come out as a winner who is more along the lines of normal society, it got you cheering him on. I'm not sure a sequel will be as successful but only time will tell. This time around I once again enjoyed a comedy with Efron in and it seems Dwayne can't do wrong at the minute unless it involves the Fast and Furious joke of a franchise. The fight scenes, water scenes, slow motion and storyline was a lot like the old television show and worked so well in rolling back the years.

Dead men tell no tales (Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar's Revenge 2017)

111.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar's Revenge

 

 

 

8/10

 

 

 

 Finally we are back on the open seas with a return to what made the first film as god as it was. With Orlando Bloom returning as Will Turner to join, what I think is Johnny Depp's best role, as Jack Sparrow, Rush as Barbossa and introducing Javier Bardem as Captain Salazar, Brenton Thwaites as Henry Turner and Kaya Scodelario as Carina Smyth, this was on my must watch list for the year. One my recent trip to Florida, I visited Disney World and was invited to a special screening of one of the scenes from this movie and I loved it. With a great musical score that has become so iconic, it's crazy to think that this franchise has evolved from a theme park ride and although the forth instalment was weakest, I hope this movie gets it back on track. Changing the title from 'Dead men tell no tales' was maybe a master stroke in hoping to introduce a new character and a clue to what the movie shall be about. Let's set sail into this new adventure.

We open with a young Henry Turner in his bedroom a shuffling about and packing a bag, looking at the way we see a tally chart being marked off with the title, 'Dad's curse'. Instantly I know that this is Will Turner's boy and he's after his dad, rowing out to sea and tying some rocks to his ankle to sink down to the ghost ship, The Flying Dutchman. As his father walks out from the darkness, he explains how he wants to break his curse and have him home for good. He will find the Trident of Poseidon with the help of Jack Sparrow but Will doesn't want this, all he wants is his son to be safe and definitely to stay away from Jack. With a parting gift of Will's rebuff, thinking its a lost cause, he sends his son back to the surface as the ship sinks to the depths once more. Nine years later pops up at the bottom of the screen and we see Henry aboard a British ship which is following pirates into the Devils Triangle. Realising that no ship should sail that way, he tries to warn the Captain but instead is arrested for treason and is looking in the brig. As the ship sails in, it quickly turns dark, foggy and eerily silent. Sure enough things don't go well we pan out and see men running towards the ship from a ship wreck. Ghosts are attacking and killing everyone, with some sharp camera angles we don't really see the leader, only his legs and then quick glimpse as he throws someone into the fire. Moving downstairs we finally set our eyes on this gruesome character with CGI hair that makes it looks like it is constantly in water, black ooze spilling from his mouth and face cracked and ghostly white, he walks towards the cells and picks up a wanted poster for Jack Sparrow. Facing Henry, he tells him that is will leave him alive to tell the tale but also to pass a message to Jack. A message that he is coming for him and bringing death with him.

Onto the Island of St Martin and I remember that this is where my preview started. A young woman is locked in a cell receiving her last words from a priest before her execution as a witch. She keeps in occupied with her words whilst she picks the lock, knocks him out with the door and makes a run for it. She in fact isn't a witch but it knowledgeable in astronomy and horology. Else where in the town there is an unveiling of a new bank and it's safe, a speech about how good the safe is, is actually quickly a mistake as the door opens and there sleep Jack. Falling out drunk, with guns pointed at him, a woman wakes up and she's the wife of one of the local snobs. The rest of his crew are around the back of the bank with ropes tied to horses ready to steal the bank but instead of pulling I through the wall they take the whole building in a great sequence, dragging it around the town. Falling from the building, Jack walks into an astronomers building where the escaped female Carina also is. Already she has moved the telescope to a better location with the owner walking in with a sexual innuendo of, 'No woman has ever handled my Herschel', I don't doubt that mate. She runs off with Jack but soon after he splits up so that everyone chases her instead and he jumps back onto the Bank until it hits a bridge and only the safe is left being towed back to his parked ship on a hidden beach. Upon opening, nothing is left inside but one single coin, its all fallen out in the escape. The crew are massively angry by this and finally give up on their Captain, leaving him alone and even Gibbs has turned his back on his friend.

Henry is still a prisoner but was found washed up and taken to hospital where he shall await death. In his sleep, he's been speaking of ghosts, the Trident and more sea myths. Because of this, Carina has disguised herself as a nun and is questioning him for help on searching for the same treasure but doesn't believe about the myth side of things because science only speaks to her. She has the map that no man can read, but she can, simply because she is a female. She needs a ship and a crew and that' Henry's job. By now Jack has drown his sorrows and is on his way to the pub for some more, trading his famous compass for a bottle of rum. This trade sends shock waves through the world, sea and men as the Devils Triangle sinks, releasing Salazar and his men to seek out revenge. Carina helps Henry escape only to be caught, so does Jack and both are led to cells until morning. Whilst in her cell, the blood moon reveals the map she needs to find the Trident, as Henry steals a uniform and makes his way to speak to Jack about helping him to help his father. He's disappointed finding Jack as a washed up drunk as the offered is refused. Both Jack and Carina are brought to the gallows for execution but on the way, Jack stops by a cell and has a short exchange with his pirate uncle, played by Paul McCartney. They love casting a musician. Into the courtyard for execution, Jack choose the guillotine whilst Carina is led to the noose. Henry watches on and swings into action as Jack's old crew have been rounded up for help and they shoot a canon ball into the stage that hold Jack, swinging him around with each turn making the blade narrowly miss his neck. The laughter continues as the fighting draws near the level for the loose, everyone is expecting it but it's still a fun scene. The level is finally knocked but Carina is caught by Henry as Jack escapes being tied up and now everyone makes their way to Jack's ship, The Dying Gull. Jack is back to his normal self, wanting his crew to pay to come back and they tie up Henry and Carina, wanting them to lead the way to the Trident.

Else where on the seas, Barbossa is enjoying life aboard Blackbeard's ship, full of riches and a crew that love him. He finds out that some of his ships are being smashed to pieces by Salazar's boat that we see has become some sort of massive shark which lifts at the front like a jagged mouth. Freaking out, he wants to meet a witch and ask what Salazar would want with him but she explains that it is the Sparrow that he is after. She has come into possession of the compass and gives it to Barbossa to help him find Jack and hand him over to Salazar. Their ship is soon found by the pirate hunter and the two meet. After agreeing to help him find Jack, it's finally time to learn of what really happened to the Spanish Captain. Many years ago, he was hunting down pirates and killing thousands as he went by. After many ganged up at the end, one ship was left sailing away in the fog, one that a young Jack was aboard and after the Captain of it passed the compass to him, he laughed at the Spanish Navy, at the top of the mast, like a little Sparrow. Salazar named him! Quick thinking, he tricked the Spaniard into following him into the Triangle but quickly used ropes to turn the ship as his enemies carried inwards. A destroyed ship, explosions and death ensued but the power of the Devils Triangle brought them back as ghosts. Now he seeks the Trident to kill Jack and every last pirate that ride the waves.

Aboard the Gull, Jack notices a growing love attraction between Henry and Carina and decides to exploit this. He threatens to throw Henry over board unless Carina tells him where the map is. After they follow through and Carina has a frightened reaction, she finds him overboard but lying in a little boat, absolutely fine. She has told them that the map is in the stars. There is already plenty of humour between the whole crew and although it isn't major, it's still uplifting. More sexual innuendoes carry the story a little more forward with Jack giving Henry advice on women but wanting payment for it. Henry says, 'I'm not paying for that!', to which Jack's reply is, 'Never say that to a woman!'. Now it's the whole crews turn as Carina explains that she is a Horologist and everyone thinks that it's a prostitute. Some great back and fore goes ahead until she gives up explaining. Soon the Silent Mary, Salazar's boat shows up an the crew quickly demand a mutiny to which Jack, Henry and Carina are in a little boat rowing towards and island as the Gull sails off and away from Salazar. Now the race is on to get to the island before the hunters arrive. We see on their ship that they are releasing corpses of dead sharks into the water, becoming alive once Salazar gives them orders. Back on the little rowing boat, Carina is underdressing, ready to swim for shore and get away from Jack because he's the wanted man. As she takes her dress off, Jack is loving it and so is Henry who is loving the fact he got to see some ankles. In the end Henry is ready to jump ship too as the sharks have already started eating the boat and leaping over to trying and snap them. Sending a hook into one of the sharks mouth, just as the ghost crew run on water to get him, the boat is pulled towards shore picking Henry up along the way until the crash on shore. The crew cannot step foot on dry land or they evaporate so for now, the trio are safe. Carina now sees ghosts for the first time up close and runs off into forest and gets trapped in a net. Salazar vows to wait for Jack. After finding Carina, they also get caught in another net.

Jack wakes up tied around the neck and in a wedding scenario where an old friend who he screwed over wants him to marry his ill sister as repayment. Some more humour ensues before Barbossa arrives to save Jack because he's made a deal with Salazar again to get on land and catch Jack. He needs something off him, he wants the Black Pearl that we have already seen is inside a bottle in Jack's pocket. Once it's freed, the ship starts to grow and finally gets back to it's normal size once it hits the water and a little stand off between Hector Barbossa and Jack see Barbossa as it's new Captain. Barbossa wants to get the Trident in order to take back the seas which he hadn't long been in control of until the dead set sail. Whilst sailing, Jack is tied to the mast and Carina is leading the way following the stars. Barbossa steps up to talk to her about how she got the diary and accuses her father of being a common thief which she doesn't take well. After knowing that she is named after the brightest star, he knows he name is Carina. Leaving with a distant look in his eyes but an emotional face it's easy to understand what is happening, that's Barbossa's daughter. Jack realises this and Hector tells him that he gave her up as a child to an orphanage. He really doesn't want anyone to know an threatens Jack. So far we can see that a major side part of this film would be parents and their children.

Eventually they reach the island just in time as Salazar has turned up and a battle starts as they crash into the shore. The crew from both sides fight upon the Pearl as Jack and Salazar fight on top of the canons, leaping back and forth until they get below deck on the Spanish ship and once Salazar's attention is drawn, Jack is gone. Running aground onto the island means that the ghosts cannot follow but instead Henry is grabbed and brought aboard the Spanish ship. The points of the island matches the stars but one red one is missing and what is needed to light it, is the jewel that was on the diary. Once it's put in place, the sea divides and leads down into a pathway to the Trident. Back aboard with the hunters, Salazar possesses Henry and chases after our heroes attacking Jack until he grabs the Trident and frees himself from the body. Using it to fling Jack around and try to kill him Henry wakes and with the help of Carina they know they need to destroy the Trident in order to break all curses. In doing so, the Spanish crew return to their normal state, to their enjoyment and a massive wave is sent throughout the ocean, which is probably the end to each curse. Gibbs and the others have dropped the anchor down with Hector clinging to it to save the rest of the crew. Once the trio are caught, the sea slowly starts to close on itself and the Spanish crew panic to grab a hold of the anchor too. Salazar succeeds, closing slowly to the crew and Carina is the one he's climbing near. Barbossa grabs her as she slip and doing this reveals the tattoo on his arm, which is the same as the stars on the cover of the diary and she realises they are known to each other. He calls her his treasure, just as he grabs a sword, leaps and digs it into Salazar, taking him down to the depths with him and in slow motion we see the father and daughter making eye contact as he's made the ultimate sacrifice to save her. Disappearing into the surf, the whole crew is in mourning and in awe of what their Captain has done. Carina is now making sure that she takes Barbossa's name.

We move forward in time and Henry and Carina are now standing on a hill, assuming that they are now an item, which is confirmed with a kiss, Henry looks through a telescope to see a ship, the Dutchman and his father walking across a field. Will walks to him, free of any curse and thankful to his son for what he's done. As they look up the hill we slowly see Elizabeth Swann emerge and begin to run at them. This was a great touch to end the movie and I was constantly wondering whether she was going to be involved or just spoken about. Jack is once again Captain of the Pearl and sets sail for new adventures. After the credits Will is sleeping and his door opens with a shadowy figure walking in until we see the claw of Davy Jones. He wakes, thinking it is just a dream but as the camera pans out there are tentacle marks visible across the floor.

I really enjoyed this and after seeing it twice, was able to enjoy it that bit more. Starting with the musical score that is up there with some of the best, the special effects and look created for the ocean, ships and ghosts were second to none. Bardem was brilliant in my eyes creating such a demanding figure on the screen that your eyes were constantly drawn to and was a truly scaring figure. It was good to see the whole cast back together and Depp was born for this role. The action scenes held humour and fighting sequences that were both eye catching and fast paced. As mentioned before there was an undertone storyline of family but it was good to see a movie that competed with it's first of the franchise. If there was a bad part to the story though, it would be that now all cures are broken, I would be a little worried as to where we would go now but the after credits may have already revealed that. It looks like we are heading back to the main storyline of the second and third instalments. For now though it was a good sequel but we can tell that this franchise could be a cash cow but hopefully we can get fully back on track.