We're a family now. A family with money! (Hustlers 2019)

245.

Hustlers

 

 

7.5/10
 

After some decent success with Widows, I was ready to give Hustlers a chance. Who doesn't wanna see JLo swinging around a pole in her unmentionables? This time, the crime is based on a true story and a news article that is actually incorporated into the movie. The trailer is pretty handy with telling us exactly what story we are looking at. Some exotic dancers fancy a bit of extra money and who else to earn it from than Wall Street. Turning the tables on them may not be legal, but they don't care.
The events were really really good. The story is told through an interview with a journalist, who is played by Julia Stiles, one of the only people I recognise in the movie. Constance Wu plays our lead, Destiny, who is looking for an easy fix to pay for her Grandmother and herself to live. The Journo is after all the inside gossip and knows that Destiny is the one to spill the beans, in time. JLo plays the main dancer at the club, the ones the rich men come to see and the one who comes up with the idea of taking all they can get. Her name is Romana and the plans go a little like this. They bring the men into the club, they get them pissed and then use their cards to charge a crazy amount for the services at the club.

 The men will keep quiet about it, mainly because they don't wanna show their wives where they have been. This all works for a while until some men catch on and don't repeat their custom. Onto the next plan, they head off to some high-end bars, meet some rich men and repeat it all. This becomes massive and after spending galore for years, Destiny leaves to have a kid with her guy, who then split up and she is left short of cash once more. The crash at Wall Street meant that no-one came into the club anymore and the girls were back onto their book of clients.
Shit starts to hit the fan when a guy loses his wife, who walks out on him and their special-needs child, he loses his house and with it being a corporate card, he also loses his job. He pleads to have his money back but Romana laughs it all off. Destiny knows this was the final strike for her. Problem was, this guy recorded the conversation and takes it to the police. Time for a montage of them all getting arrested.

Destiny is pressured into revealing all to the police otherwise her daughter is gone. She takes the deal and has to reveal that to Romana, who doesn't exactly take it well. She is more disappointed, knowing that their mother-daughter like relationship is at an end. Once the article hits the headlines, Destiny calls the interviewer, simply to find out what truths Romana actually said about her. She reveals that Romana still carries around a picture of Destiny in her wallet, like a proud mother and that she should really reach out to her. The movie finally draws to a close with some text, explaining exactly which dancer got sentenced with for their crimes.
Very interesting story of some sneaky bitches, that for sure. It definitely defines how dangerous and corrupt the seedy underworld really is. I'm sure many have a story of how they were made to buy a drink for a dancer one time and spent a bomb doing so but this is off-planet compared to those. I have no idea if anything was changed, as I have not read the article but surely, they couldn't have deferred from it too much. Seeing was sometimes believing in this instance and you were left wondering if they actually would get caught or where was the point that one would stop. As soon as that moment came, you knew the movie was drawing to a close. We had some flashbacks as the main story and with a beginning, ending and important parts throughout, we were thrust into present-day during the interview. Each time was quite significant as you could see Destiny express different emotions, depending on which part of the story she was explaining.

Moving onto the cast and it would be an understatement to say there was a mixture of talent and talentless. Constance Wu was great. I haven't a bad word to say about her as a lead in this, apart from the state on her fringe, but I'm not in any place to judge on hair. JLo also gave a good account for herself, considering the only other thing I have seen her in is Anaconda. Then we can move on to Cardi B. Her music is bad enough but to put her in here and making the audience listen to her speaking voice was very harsh on us. Halfway through the movie, I was wondering where I had seen a fella's face before. Just a random guy who fell for the dancers and it was Buzz! Not Lightyear but Buzz from Home Alone. The rest of the girls could have been expendable, just as the characters whereas the movie went on.
On the drive home, I looked into the true events, the pictures of the real-life criminals, just to have a look at how they compare. I have to say, I bet the woman who had JLo playing her was all sorts of happy. There were times in the movie that I got some enjoyment from, other than the dancing. The scene with Usher, strolling in, smashing so much money on the table and finding out that this actually happened, makes that scene even better! This movie had the tunes, it had the story and the execution to make this a decent watch for a crime movie from the criminal's point of view. What I can say though is that we are still waiting for a Female cast for a Magic Mike style story. We had some dancing but this movie wasn't about that, it was all about showing the women in charge.



You don't read the book. It reads you (Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark 2019)

244.

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

6/10
 

Another horror that brings a group of youngsters to our screen once again and there's a major chance that we will never see them in a meaningly leading role again. I'm such a downer but usually, it's true, especially when a movie looks like it could be terrible. From the trailer that I saw, the movie actually looked interesting. There were a few creatures on monsters in this movie that got me intrigued down to the fact that the usual villain wasn't terrorising these kids. The movie is based on a children's book so how scary can it actually be?
The movie is set in the '60s as a group of friends run from a bully and end up in an abandoned house and find a secret room that holds some books. One of the books is taken by a horror enthusiast as it has the potential to be a good read. The house was owned by the Bellows' family and they used to have a decent standing within the community. Our characters end up being part of the story and one by one they start disappearing in grisly ways. Each one is getting written into the book at the time of it all happening aswell. As they are being read, the remaining characters are trying to think of ways to save the others but they were always a little turn late. They end up working it out and taking it back to the hidden room that they found the book in. The book was written by one fo the abused Bellows children and her ghost is going to be ending this. The horror lover wants to help her tell her story of abuse so agrees to write about it if the ghost stops the killings. Game over. And now it's time to find a way to bring their friends back from their own deaths.

OK, where do we start? If you just want a random horror movie that doesn't follow the normal convention of the horrors then you may have found one. It had a quite interesting concept to follow by as the stories within the book took people's lives in the way they were written. It may well have been a silly concept but it also felt refreshing at the same time, rather than just some masked guy with a knife chasing down some teens. The end did lead the way for some sort of sequel and I'm unsure whether there is another book but in truth, this was far from a strong opening that would fill a studio that a sequel would be a money-spinner.

The cast was alright at best. I recognised one from the movie Fist Fight with Charlie Day and even in that, he was not a pivotal role in any way. The best characters for me were definitely the monsters and creeps. Each one really did have their own characteristics and scariness about them. The CGI did look a bit outdated and stretched to make the desired impact now and again but it still worked for each of these storytime monsters. I actually found myself wanting to see more of them than the actual human characters but I don't know if that says something about me or not.

Horrors will always have a special place in my heart and more so if they are something that I haven't seen before. I don't know if this is some kind of Death Note 'esque' storyline as I have not seen it and it did feel along the lines of an extended 'Goosebumps' or 'Are you Afraid of the Dark?' episode and that was kind of a good thing. The movie won't get great marks and that includes from me but it was exactly what it said on the tin, although the stories weren't incredibly scary.

It's official, old buddy. I'm a has-been (Once upon a time... In Hollywood 2019)

243.

Once Upon a Time... In Hollywood
 

 

5.5/10

The world erupted when we heard that we were getting a masterpiece from Tarantino and with the cast, it was not hard to see why. I hadn't seen many trailers for this movie that gave too much away but after reading a few articles, I knew that we would be catching glimpse of Charles Manson and his 'Family'. This means that we could be seeing a lot of gore and hopefully, another dark couple of hours from someone that some consider one of the greats in directing and writing. Or so I thought.
Leonardo Di Caprio plays a Western genre actor called Rick Dalton who is on the lookout and struggling for work in the end years of the Golden Era at Hollywood. Brad Pitt plays his stunt double Cliff Barton, who finds work even harder to come by.

 Then we have some Margot Robbie. She plays Sharon Tate, who I recognise by name as being murder at the hands of the Manson Family. This could get really interesting. Taking into account the twists and turns we have had from something like the Hateful 8, it wouldn't be wrong to get carried away with what to expect here. Now don't forget, everyone has their opinions with the movie and I'm about to voice mine. This story was boring and definitely missed something. We followed Rick struggling for jobs, Cliff driving him around and then getting distracted by a young female who takes him to an old set. Now, this set has been overtaken by the Manson Family. Only the 'children' though, who have corrupted the owner into letting them stay. Cliff makes a bad impression before leaving.

 In and out of their story, we see one glimpse of Charles, scouting out the Polanski house, just as the true events happened and we also get the personal side of Rick Dalton. His struggles with working in Italy, his wife and his lifestyle. This comes to a head as the Manson Family move in. Now from events, I'm expecting to see Sharon Tate we hung, drawn and quartered. No no, they pick Rick's house, who is on the piss in his pool, Cliff is in the living room pissed up and we finally get some blood and lots of it. We even get a flame thrower death, brought about by Di Caprio on the trigger. They kill the youngsters and head to the Polankis house to be sheltered by Sharon Tate. Now that's a twist. The last 20 minutes were the only thing that resembled Tarantino for me.

The cast was really good and I really fear that they have been let down by the writing. Cliff Booth was probably my favourite character as he didn't give a shit. Even taking on Bruce Lee in a fistfight. As for Margot Robbie, she didn't really play a vital role in his movie. If it was her that took on the family in the end, we would be having a different conversation right now but that isn't the case. There were some genuinely tense moments created, such as Cliff at the Family ranch and some of the family members turning on themselves but that's about it. There were lots of cameos from actors and actresses and that felt like Hollywood giving themselves a slap on the back. It was boring up until the climactic end there was hardly a big storyline to follow. That might just be me being naive but at the end of the day, I've come to enjoy Tarantino at times for the over the top killings and twists from start to finish.

This movie was far from the masterpiece I was expecting and after leaving the cinema, I was left wanting a lot more for my time. I wasn't the only one either as I was one of the last of my mates to watch this and once they knew I had, they asked me my opinion before revealing that they felt exactly the same. I didn't want a non-turbulent movie that didn't get me gripped and even laughing at times. Utterly disappointed.



Fuck your fucking family! (Ready or Not 2019)

242.
Ready or Not

 


7/10

 

It had been a long time since Odeon had released a Scream Unseen, one of their horrors that you don't know what you are going to watch until it starts. There is no better time for them to chuck another in front of us than Halloween and this time I didn't look at any clues ad just went in blind and on a last-minute ticket. Turns out, we are watching Ready or Not and I've actually seen a trailer to this one. No lie, I honestly thought Margot Robbie was the lead. Turns out its Samara Weaving, who could definitely charge at parties to fill in for Robbie. The one other cast member that I recognise by face is Andie MacDowell. I have seen her in anything that I remember but she just has one of those faces that has been around a while. Let's get stuck in and play a game. I'm ready.
The whole premise of this movie is Weaving's character marrying into a famous board game creating family and with them being filthy rich, she is obviously nervous. The Aunt is the only one that seems to hate the new bride but this soon changes. They have a tradition that they need to play a game that is drawn at random from cards from a box. This box has magical powers and if they don't play the game, they won't accept the girl into the family. One problem, she pulls hide and seek and unknown to her, it's not the normal version.

Once the family finds her, they need to kill her. It has to be by sunrise otherwise the family will die. The old owner of the box had apparently made a deal with the devil and he demands a sacrifice every now and again. As the movie progresses, the husband catches up with the wife and explains it all and things become apparent to her as she witnesses a maid being killed by accident.
The movie progresses quickly with escaping, plenty of killing and Grace, our new wife, turns out to be quite a badass when backed into a corner. She ends up getting caught twice and the second time is tied to the sacrificial table, ready for the slaughter. This all whilst the husband is handcuffed upstairs as he reveals himself as helping her escape. This time it's his brother and her brother-in-law that steps up. He poisons the family wine and quickly unties her.

 His wife catches up with them and after a tussle with Grace, she accidentally shoots him and Grace then makes a run for it. Problem is, the husband comes across his dying brother and instead of finding out that Grace didn't do it, nothing is said. Grace is found by her husband in the dining room, like a game of Cluedo, after she has just struck down the mother-in-law with the card box that she drew from. Hubby is in bits and turns on her, holding her down and is ready for the sacrifice. He can't wait but a last-minute move of the head from Grace, he misses and up sprouts Grace, pulling the knife and grunting like an animal in the corner. The remaining family notices a bit of light from between the curtains and it's sunlight. Shitting themselves and being spotted doing so by Grace, she draws back the curtains and everyone scream, cowering behind tables and chairs, ready for death. Nothing. Absolutely nothing happens and some of the members that married into the family are calling bullshit. That's until one explodes. One by one, even the children, end up as nothing more than blood on the ceiling, blood on the floor, actually there's blood everywhere. That includes our bride who had her husband begging her to save her life until he explodes. The movie ends with Grace sitting on the same steps she got married on, covered in blood, lighting a cigarette she is approached by the police until the screen fades to black.

I have to say, this was a lot more fun than I was expecting. After seeing the trailer a while back, I thought it was going to be just another stupid horror flop but it also had a lot of comedy to help carry through the silliness. You couldn't go into this with any seriousness otherwise you wouldn't take it for what it is. After seeing this for a second time, I really did appreciate this a lot more.
The story was quite a unique one and because of this, it was that bit more enjoyable. It was a bit crazy but with it starting a silly game, bordering onto a cult and then becoming a pact with the devil-like I said, you couldn't take this as a full our horror. The humour was there for a reason and this wasn't through many jokes, although we did have comic relief in the shape of a usual guy who married into the family and one of the drug addict daughters. The laughter a lot of the time actually comes from the killings. Now I know that sounds pretty awful but the way in which some deaths occur brings a bit of laughter to the fold.
Samara Weaving played a great role for me. We watched her quickly develop from a dizzy bride to an absolute badass killing machine and usually I hate this but because of this type of movie, it worked this time around. It all ties in with the silliness of what is unfolding. Each character brings something different to the table and that alone is enough to keep you guessing if the tide will turn and who will either kill or be killed.
If you like horror comedies along the lines of Happy Death Day, then this could well and truly be up your street. It's not a long movie by any stretch of the imagination and is quite a close-knit story location wise. It takes place in a mansion and its grounds, which keeps the action flowing, the audience on its toes everyone wondering if she will actually get caught. Of course, she wouldn't be massacred. Movies in this genre mostly end in a 'happy' outcome, depending on your definition of happy.

Remember... (The Lion King 2019)

241.

Lion King

 

 

4/10
 

Here we go again. Disney giving a money-spinner and an easy way out from creating anything truly new. The original Lion King was a masterpiece and easily one of the best Disney movies to have been released, recognisable in most places so why do they feel the need to poke and pry and more than likely change things. They have most of the cast, which would have happened anyway but they also made sure they brought back James Earls Jones for the voice of Mufasa. When I found out that they were not bringing back Jeremy Irons for Scar and popping in Chiwetel Ejiofor instead, I was far from happy. Rawan Atkinson is still alive and kicking, he should be on the list too but I'm not happy with the Irons choice. Beyonce is now on the list as Nala and I can imagine that could only bring one of her songs during the movie. I really hope someone gets fed to the lions for this.

 

 

To the most part, this movie followed the original scenes no and again and when I mean followed, I mean shot for shot but the parts it didn't follow, Jesus. This movie was bloody bad but I'll start with the good stuff, or thing. The CGI was faultless and cinematography was at a high quality and visually, the movie was really stunning. That's were it stops. Due to the fact of them try to make the movie so realistic, as a live action that actually wasn't a live action, the movie actually lost its soul. Because of this wanted realism, there was absolutly no characteristics on the faces of the characters. If another person tells me, 'yeah but there are meant to be lions!', why are they talking then?? Simba had the same expression on his face when he was playing around with Nala as when he was standing next to his father's dead body and it felt empty compared to the animation from the 90's.

 

 

I could go on forever with things that I didn't enjoy. The recasting of Scar didn't work either. There was no sassiness, no sarcasm and that is exactly what Scar was famous for. He was a dried up uncle with a chip on his shoulder and the humour was lost. That goes for the rest of the movie too. The cast of the casting was alright. I enjoyed Seth Rogan as Pumba but as for Beyonce, she must have wanted it in her contract to be centre stage at times. There was a lovely feminism scene as Nala takes on the Hyenas and saves the day to an extent but hey-ho, we can't leave a movie without a scene like that these days.

 

 

The movie had seemed to be spread out and a lot of additional scenes added just to make the run time longer. Stick to the story as it was, people don't want the movie to be longer, they want the Lion King that they knew but improved. It was pissed all over. Instead of wanting to shed a tear when Mufasa died, I wanted to shed the tear at the end with this being a horrible experience. The one redeeming feature other than the CGI really was Mufasa and then they ruined his reincarnation as a cloud. This movie was like watching a National Geographic episode with some terrible voice over. Even Elton John chimed in and said he wasn't happy with the music and was never actually brought on board to help out. Now that is a crime! I wasn't a fan of the remake of the Jungle Book by Jon Favreau and this joins the collection by making it two out of two. Sort it out Disney! At least I can go back and watch the only good version of this movie now.


All the evil in here reminds me of all the good out there (Annabelle Comes Home 2019)

240.
Annabelle comes home
 

 

7/10

 

Yet another filler episode between the movies titled The Conjuring but this time we are back with our better cast. Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga play the Warrens and this time we are getting their daughter Judy as a main character too. As we have already seen from other movies, Annabelle the doll is now locked in the basement in the Warren's home. This is, along with many other possessed items are locked away for a reason. I really hope that we do get a lot of scares and a much better movie than something like the Nun. Unlike The conjuring duo, this movie is yet again only based around some artifacts that are actually in the Warren's occult. Let's find out whether we need to wait until next year for our next good installment.
We already know that shit is going to hit the fan when a babysitter is brought in as the Warrens are called away on a job. This young sitter knows the history of the house, knows the rules but they always come with a bitch of a friend with a hidden agenda. This is how it pans out. The friend wants to make contact with her dead dad and after touching some things in the basement she shouldn't have, a whole world of hell is let loose and that isn't just a description.

The daughter Judy, has her own paranormal trick as she constantly sees dead people, mind the quote from another movie.
After quite a bit of chasing, being introduced to some demons that could lead to spin-offs and a ghost of a priest showing the way, the girls find Annabelle and put her back into her box. This relieves that attacks from the other demons and even the love interest in the shape of a young lad is still alive after being chased away by a hellhound. As the story, simple as it is, draws to a close, the Warren's return home. Daniela, the useless friend comes clean and apologises to Lorraine after the three explain what has happened. Lorraine can tell the intentions were for Daniela to speak to her dad. Lorraine acts as a mediator between the two and gives her a message from him. The two then retire to join Judy's birthday party and crack on like nothing has happened. I'd be in the corner shitting my pants to be fair.

This was definitely one of the better fillers of The Conjuring universe as we wait for another 'true' story. What I liked about this one is that we didn't actually have to wait long for the action to start. Once it has started, it's usually small, building up to a climax. With so many demons or different varieties being involved with this one, there was always something waiting around the corner. At times and especially the hellhound, the CGI looked a little dated but with most of the story taking place over one night, the darkness of the movie helped a lot there. It was good to see another movie written by James Wan. The story carries on from the first Annabelle movie and takes place a year after those events. It really makes me want to travel for a viewing! Wilson and Farmiga are known for their roles by now but McKenna Grace as Judy, Madison Iseman as the babysitter and Katie Sarife as Daniela all had a role to play. Judy was a really good character. She was truly aware of what her parents did for a living and still came out of her room. Barely though, she had to play a troubled young girl, bullied at school because of what her parents did and also seen the dead herself. She knew the rules but at times, also knew the score on how to deal with things. Each girl comes into their own and braves up to the fact that they are the only ones who can stop all of this going on.
There were enough jump scares to keep the average horror fan happy and it was another build-up to The Conjuring 3 next year. What I don't want is for them to take these side characters and churn out another weak option like The Nun and maybe they need to stick to the cases that are actually documented on record as they seem to always be a winner.

 

I thought a Princess could go anywhere? (Aladdin 2019)

239.
Aladdin

3/10

Why of why do I need to start writing reviews of remakes to Disney classics. If it ain't broke, don't fix it, or so the saying goes. So imagine my face when we found out that Aladdin was getting a remake of its own, along with Lion King, but for now, we are simply focusing on Prince Ali and the recasting of such a famous Robin Williams character. The role goes to Will Smith, who can be quite energetic and along with Naomi Scott as Jasmine, they are the only two I recognise from casting. Mena Massoud gets the role of the street thief Aladdin whilst Marwan Kenzari gets the role of the evil Jafar. As soon as I saw the trailer, the graphics looked great, the old songs gave a few goosebumps but that's as far as it went. I really wasn't feeling it and we are about to find out why I was right to feel that way. Arabian nights and all that.
The first thing that worried me was that Guy Richie was in charge. Not a massive fan and one of the last movies I watched from him was King Arthur. What a couple of hours of shit that was. All I prayed for was that we got a shot by shot of the old Aladdin, a masterpiece is there for you to follow so how hard could it be? Apparently, it's impossible. We got around 75% of the story but a lot had changed over, especially towards the end. We came to know the story of Jasmine finding love within Aladdin and choosing to marry him so they could both rule.

 This time it is all about empowerment for the female. Wanting to lead her country forward as the first female Sultan and achieving this through no male help by the end. She even chucks out her own song about it all, TWICE. It felt as if they needed to change this for the snowflakes in the audience, she doesn't need no man, she got this. What I may be trying to get to is that the characters we have come to love, have changed before our eyes. This could be as small as Iago the parrot, who is no longer a major form of comedy but is actually changed down to a minimal character. The main change though was how they used Jafar. This time, he had no interest in Jasmine to take over by marrying her. He wanted to do this by flat out power and I didn't feel it. This guy didn't feel daunting and something to fear, he seemed like a spoiled brat, was far from a big commanding figure and this was the case when he was seizing power by the end. There was no massive cobra scene and a really poor climax to his storyline.

Touching on the few good things I liked about the movie and firstly the graphics. Seeing this in real-life was an experience, the colours, the Genie scenes and escape from the tomb were pretty awesome. I had a lot of time for those efforts, along with the original songs coming back and even though some were tweaked a little, it was very minimal. Having the Genie narrate the story to his children and wife, no that he was free, was also a nice touch and even though Will Smith had a massive job on his hands and was never going to live up to the role, it wasn't the worst thing in the movie and I am a fan for him from elsewhere, even the CGI let him down. The best picture is below but wait until you seen the actual look within that scene.

 But it really isn't long until we are back into the bad features. From a dance-off in the palace, the running through the streets in an iconic escape scene from the animation, this time it was turned and sped up for some reason, exactly as Richie did in King Arthur, so strange. Where was the Aladdin of old, the charismatic young man and the storyline that kept us gripped from the original? He would be a good Pinocchio, it takes someone to seem wooden.
This is becoming nothing more than a cash grab from Disney now surely. Is there no-one in the studios with some truly original ideas or is this what we are going to get now. Lion King is up soon and as you can imagine, if that gets butchered too, Disney would just be counting the pennies. This does not go anywhere near as creating the magic from the original movie and I would suggest watching the animated version to cleanse yourself after dabbling with this one!